I think you look sexy in that shirt, fuck the haters.
PS I picked Nihilum, both Frag Dom teams, and SK to win.
Three out of four HEYO.
If you are new to reading my site, welcome to the land of dicks.
"THAT JUST HAPPENED"
Chicago Noir IV late tomorrow. (Probably) Been watching MLG all day and emowhining to baddies about not being at MLG.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Shatter Combo
YOU ALL STOLE THIS FROM ME. PLEASE USE IT CORRECTLY COMMENTATORS. A SHATTER COMBO IS A FROSTBOLT->PET FREEZE->ICE LANCE. IT ISN'T JUST ICE LANCING A NOVA. YOU FUCKTARDS.
THEY WONT ANSWER MY: WHY IS SPOH SO SEXY? QUESTION
THEY WONT ANSWER MY: WHY IS SPOH SO SEXY? QUESTION
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Chicago Noir (III)
The bartender notices your diverted attention. "Your friends looking for ya?"
You shrug. "Probably." He slides down the counter a bit to be more directly facing the two girls.
He starts up with, "Are you guys out celebrating or just hanging out?"
DANGER (watch yourself), cocksucker is trying to steal them!
Not that you really care. Fucking bartenders. That shit ain't happening.
Get back here. "Hey, actually, can I get a Red Bull as well?"
You're about finished with your beer anyways. You notice that both the girls are also drinking beers. Odd. Typically, birds here keep to the fru-fru martinis, coconut or something awful -- stuff that gets you drunk shockingly fast. That's the goal for these girls anyways. But that's...
"Vodka Red Bull? Jeah, no problem." He turns away from the girls. You turn to the girls.
Your turn. "You going to be here for a while tonight?" A little too direct.
Closer turns around and awkwardly leans back with her elbow against the bar trying to get some distance. You can still smell the Heineken on her breath. And, fuck her. Green Eyes peers around her friend.
Green Eyes, flirtatiously, "I dunno."
You give her a puzzled look, "Kay."
She caves. "I'm Amy by the way." You do introductions quickly.
You notice the bartender has finally gotten around to serving the chumps behind you. Too bad. You see him starting up your Red Bull. Never having had any interest in another drink right now, "Hey, um, can you 86 that Red Bull?"
He walks all the way back to you before saying anything, "Andy, and yeah no problem." The girls introduce themselves. What a fucking snake.
The bartender is tough to beat straight up. It makes no sense really, but somehow their presence on 'the scene' trumps the career card. All the wannabe-socialite scenester chicks at these places are obsessed with networking the bartenders. Probably so they can drop names.
'Blah blah I was talking to Todd at Violet Hour about blah blah.' 'Who's Todd?' 'Oh my god, he's the bartender there, he's so cool blah blah blah.'
Can't imagine a guy ever trying to drop names of hostesses -- that would be pretty fucking hilarious.
Closer is telling some story about getting hit on by Vince Vaughn at Underground. If the story is remotely true, you feel a bit sorry for Vince. This girl probably tells this story about how she shot down Vince Vaughn three times a week. Green Eyes looks amazingly bored. Andy, the bartender, looks enthralled. Fair trade.
You grin at Green Eyes. "Smoke?"
"Um, you can't." She looks very confused.
"Nah, outside."
"Um, no thanks. I don't, sorry."
"How do you feel about second hand?"
"That it's disgusting." Ouch. That's not very playful.
You roll with it. "Wow, a fan of the ban, huh?" (Smoking in bars is banned in Chicago as of January first)
"Yeah..." She goes on and on about how she likes not smelling like cigarettes every time she goes out, i.e. she says the same shit every other girl says. You play nice.
Smoking is a dangerous card to play. Chances are, in Chicago, the girl doesn't smoke. Not just that, but she probably hates smoking and, well, smokers, and you've just put up a pretty big wall if you bring it up. The payoff if she does is pretty high though. If she said 'yeah', you'd have gone outside, Alpha would have joked about how you never smoke and tell the girl that she's 'corrupting' you. You'd play along letting the girl 'spoil' you, and it's not exactly rocket surgery that having a girl getting her kicks by being 'bad' is a good situation for you.
Win some, lose some. You surrender. "Kay, well, I got to catch up to one of my friends, I'll be around."
Green Eyes looks mildly indifferent. Her friend and Andy, the bartender, are still talking. And talking.
You nod to Andy, turn your back, and head outside.
You shrug. "Probably." He slides down the counter a bit to be more directly facing the two girls.
He starts up with, "Are you guys out celebrating or just hanging out?"
DANGER (watch yourself), cocksucker is trying to steal them!
Not that you really care. Fucking bartenders. That shit ain't happening.
Get back here. "Hey, actually, can I get a Red Bull as well?"
You're about finished with your beer anyways. You notice that both the girls are also drinking beers. Odd. Typically, birds here keep to the fru-fru martinis, coconut or something awful -- stuff that gets you drunk shockingly fast. That's the goal for these girls anyways. But that's...
"Vodka Red Bull? Jeah, no problem." He turns away from the girls. You turn to the girls.
Your turn. "You going to be here for a while tonight?" A little too direct.
Closer turns around and awkwardly leans back with her elbow against the bar trying to get some distance. You can still smell the Heineken on her breath. And, fuck her. Green Eyes peers around her friend.
Green Eyes, flirtatiously, "I dunno."
You give her a puzzled look, "Kay."
She caves. "I'm Amy by the way." You do introductions quickly.
You notice the bartender has finally gotten around to serving the chumps behind you. Too bad. You see him starting up your Red Bull. Never having had any interest in another drink right now, "Hey, um, can you 86 that Red Bull?"
He walks all the way back to you before saying anything, "Andy, and yeah no problem." The girls introduce themselves. What a fucking snake.
The bartender is tough to beat straight up. It makes no sense really, but somehow their presence on 'the scene' trumps the career card. All the wannabe-socialite scenester chicks at these places are obsessed with networking the bartenders. Probably so they can drop names.
'Blah blah I was talking to Todd at Violet Hour about blah blah.' 'Who's Todd?' 'Oh my god, he's the bartender there, he's so cool blah blah blah.'
Can't imagine a guy ever trying to drop names of hostesses -- that would be pretty fucking hilarious.
Closer is telling some story about getting hit on by Vince Vaughn at Underground. If the story is remotely true, you feel a bit sorry for Vince. This girl probably tells this story about how she shot down Vince Vaughn three times a week. Green Eyes looks amazingly bored. Andy, the bartender, looks enthralled. Fair trade.
You grin at Green Eyes. "Smoke?"
"Um, you can't." She looks very confused.
"Nah, outside."
"Um, no thanks. I don't, sorry."
"How do you feel about second hand?"
"That it's disgusting." Ouch. That's not very playful.
You roll with it. "Wow, a fan of the ban, huh?" (Smoking in bars is banned in Chicago as of January first)
"Yeah..." She goes on and on about how she likes not smelling like cigarettes every time she goes out, i.e. she says the same shit every other girl says. You play nice.
Smoking is a dangerous card to play. Chances are, in Chicago, the girl doesn't smoke. Not just that, but she probably hates smoking and, well, smokers, and you've just put up a pretty big wall if you bring it up. The payoff if she does is pretty high though. If she said 'yeah', you'd have gone outside, Alpha would have joked about how you never smoke and tell the girl that she's 'corrupting' you. You'd play along letting the girl 'spoil' you, and it's not exactly rocket surgery that having a girl getting her kicks by being 'bad' is a good situation for you.
Win some, lose some. You surrender. "Kay, well, I got to catch up to one of my friends, I'll be around."
Green Eyes looks mildly indifferent. Her friend and Andy, the bartender, are still talking. And talking.
You nod to Andy, turn your back, and head outside.
Some WotLK Stuff (Sorry!)
Okay, so rogue and elemental shaman talents are out.
Shaman Elemental Tree:
Earth's Grasp - Moved to Tier 0
Convection - Now 3 points - 4%/7%/10%
Concussion - Includes Lava Burst and Thunder
Call of Flame - Increase Lava Burst by 2%/4%/6%
Elemental Warding - No change
Elemental Devastation - Now on Tier 1
Call of Thunder - Includes Thunder
Elemental Focus - Works for lesser healing wave and healing wave
Reverberation - No change
Improved Fire Nova totem - 50%/100% chance to stun for 2 seconds
Eye of the Storm - No change
Unrelenting Storm - No change
Elemental Fury - No change
Storm Reach - 10%/20% diameter on Thunder
Elemental Precision - No Change
Lightning Mastery - No change
Elemental Mastery - No change
Elemental Shields - No change
Lightning Overload - No change
Elemental Oath - (35 points in elemental) Needs Elemental Mastery - Spell hit is increased by 50%/100% while elemental mastery or elemental focus is active.
Astral Shift - (40 points in elemental) 3 points - When you are critically hit twice in a row, you have a 33%/66%/100% chance to shift into the atral plane, causing you to be immune to all physical damage for 3 seconds. This effect has a 30 second cooldown.
Totem of Wrath - No change
Lava Flow - (40 points in elemental) 3 points - Increase the amount of spell damage gained while having flametongue weapon equipped by 5%/10%/15% and increases the damage done by your flame shock and lava burst by 4%/8%/12%
Storm, Earth, and Fire - (45 Points in elemental) 5 points - Your frost shock has a 5%/10%/15%/20%/25% chance to root the target in frozen ice for 2 seconds, your earthshocks range is increased by 1/2/3/4/5 yards, and your periodic damage done by flame shock is increased by 20%/40%/60%/80%/100%.
Thunder: Instant - 45 second cooldown. You call down a bolt of lighting, energizing you and damaging nearby enemies within 10 yards. Restores 5% mana to you and deals 595 to 679 nature damage to all nearby enemies, knocking them back 200 yards.
Rogue - Combat Tree - New and Changed Stuff
Riposte - 10 energy, 6 sec cd - A strike that becomes active after parrying an opponent's attack. This attack deals 150% weapon damage and slows their melee attack speed by 20% for 30 seconds. (pvp duration?)
Blade Twisting (25 combat) - Your damaging melee attacks have a 10/20% chance to Daze the target for 4 sec.
Nerves of Steel (30 combat) - Reduces the duration of all Stun and Fear effects by 15/30%.
Throwing Specialization (35 combat) - Increases the range of Throw and Deadly Throw by 2/4 yards and gives your Deadly Throw a 50/100% chance to Interrupt the target for 3 sec.
Stay of Execution (40 combat)- When you have less than 35% health, all damage taken is reduced by 5% and you are treated as if you are full health.
Unfair Advantage (40 combat)- Whenever you dodge an attack you gain an Unfair Advantage, increasing your change to hit by 2/4% and the chanse that attacks will miss you by 2/4% for 8 sec.
Prey on the Weak (45 combat)- Your normal melee critical strike damage is increased by 5/10/15/20/25% when the target has less health than you. (as a percentage)
Murder Spree (Requires 50 points in Combat) - 2min CD - Steps through the shadows from enemy to enemy within 10 yards, attacking an enemy every 0.5 secs with both weapons until 5 assaults are made. Can hit the same target multiple times. (seems more dangerous on single targets to me not so much AoE)
Rogue - Sub Tree - New and Changed Stuff
Setup - 33/66/100 Still bad.
Cheat Death (30 sub) - Changed so that when it procs you are set to 10% health, whoopdey doo. (This might be a heal lol)
Waylay (35 sub) - Your Ambush critical hits have a 50/100% chacne to reduce the target's melee and ranged attack speed by 30%, movement speed by 70% and prevent item use for 8 sec. (Sounds pretty fair)
Honor Among Thieves (40 sub) - When anyone in your group critically hits with a damage of healing spell or ability you have a 10% chance to gain a combo point on your current target.
Wrongfully Accused (40 sub) - Whenever an attack is made against you, if the target is not your current target or has not already been attacking you they cause 50/100% less damage for 3 sec. (Okay, fair talent)
Slaughter from the Shadows (45 sub) - Reduce the energy cost of your Backstab and Ambush abilities by 3/6. (hi2u daggers)
Shadow Dance (50 sub) - 2min cd. Instantly enter stealth and begin the Shadow Dance. For 9 sec you will reenter stealth every 3 sec. (abmush->Shadow Dance-> cs garottex2 -> vanish ambush-> vanish cs YES)
Rogue - Ass Tree - Stuff
Deadly Brew (30 ass) - When you apply Insant, Wound, or Mind-Numbing poison to a target, you have a 50% chance to apply a second poison: Instant->Deadly, Woud->Crip, Mind->Crip
Turn the Tables (35 ass) - You have a 5/10/15% chance of reflecting physical effects back on the attacker. (cool rng talent, hi2u blind reflect)
Devious Poisons (35 ass) - Increases the damage causd by your Instant and Deadly Poison by 10%. In addition, when a target you've poisoned is healed or cured, thre is a 50/100% chance the poison afflicts the healer.
Blood Splatter (40 ass) - Increases the damage of your Garrote and Rupture abilities by 10/20%.
Focused Attacks (40 ass) - Your melee critical strikes have a 33/66/100% chance to give you 1 energy. (this seems dumb)
Cut to the Chase (45 ass) - Your Eviscerate and Envenom critical strikes have a 20% chance to refresh Slice n Dice. (bad)
Hunger for Blood (50 ass) - 30 energy - Enrages you, increasing all damage caused by 5%. If used while a bleed or magic is afflicting you, it will remove one Bleed and one Magic effect and refund the energy cost. This effect can be stacked up to 3 times. Lasts 10 seconds.
The ass tree seems gay except for OP 51 pointer.
Sub is SICK, but lacks DT interrupt. Combat is SSxbillion, win. Okay.
Shaman Elemental Tree:
Earth's Grasp - Moved to Tier 0
Convection - Now 3 points - 4%/7%/10%
Concussion - Includes Lava Burst and Thunder
Call of Flame - Increase Lava Burst by 2%/4%/6%
Elemental Warding - No change
Elemental Devastation - Now on Tier 1
Call of Thunder - Includes Thunder
Elemental Focus - Works for lesser healing wave and healing wave
Reverberation - No change
Improved Fire Nova totem - 50%/100% chance to stun for 2 seconds
Eye of the Storm - No change
Unrelenting Storm - No change
Elemental Fury - No change
Storm Reach - 10%/20% diameter on Thunder
Elemental Precision - No Change
Lightning Mastery - No change
Elemental Mastery - No change
Elemental Shields - No change
Lightning Overload - No change
Elemental Oath - (35 points in elemental) Needs Elemental Mastery - Spell hit is increased by 50%/100% while elemental mastery or elemental focus is active.
Astral Shift - (40 points in elemental) 3 points - When you are critically hit twice in a row, you have a 33%/66%/100% chance to shift into the atral plane, causing you to be immune to all physical damage for 3 seconds. This effect has a 30 second cooldown.
Totem of Wrath - No change
Lava Flow - (40 points in elemental) 3 points - Increase the amount of spell damage gained while having flametongue weapon equipped by 5%/10%/15% and increases the damage done by your flame shock and lava burst by 4%/8%/12%
Storm, Earth, and Fire - (45 Points in elemental) 5 points - Your frost shock has a 5%/10%/15%/20%/25% chance to root the target in frozen ice for 2 seconds, your earthshocks range is increased by 1/2/3/4/5 yards, and your periodic damage done by flame shock is increased by 20%/40%/60%/80%/100%.
Thunder: Instant - 45 second cooldown. You call down a bolt of lighting, energizing you and damaging nearby enemies within 10 yards. Restores 5% mana to you and deals 595 to 679 nature damage to all nearby enemies, knocking them back 200 yards.
Rogue - Combat Tree - New and Changed Stuff
Riposte - 10 energy, 6 sec cd - A strike that becomes active after parrying an opponent's attack. This attack deals 150% weapon damage and slows their melee attack speed by 20% for 30 seconds. (pvp duration?)
Blade Twisting (25 combat) - Your damaging melee attacks have a 10/20% chance to Daze the target for 4 sec.
Nerves of Steel (30 combat) - Reduces the duration of all Stun and Fear effects by 15/30%.
Throwing Specialization (35 combat) - Increases the range of Throw and Deadly Throw by 2/4 yards and gives your Deadly Throw a 50/100% chance to Interrupt the target for 3 sec.
Stay of Execution (40 combat)- When you have less than 35% health, all damage taken is reduced by 5% and you are treated as if you are full health.
Unfair Advantage (40 combat)- Whenever you dodge an attack you gain an Unfair Advantage, increasing your change to hit by 2/4% and the chanse that attacks will miss you by 2/4% for 8 sec.
Prey on the Weak (45 combat)- Your normal melee critical strike damage is increased by 5/10/15/20/25% when the target has less health than you. (as a percentage)
Murder Spree (Requires 50 points in Combat) - 2min CD - Steps through the shadows from enemy to enemy within 10 yards, attacking an enemy every 0.5 secs with both weapons until 5 assaults are made. Can hit the same target multiple times. (seems more dangerous on single targets to me not so much AoE)
Rogue - Sub Tree - New and Changed Stuff
Setup - 33/66/100 Still bad.
Cheat Death (30 sub) - Changed so that when it procs you are set to 10% health, whoopdey doo. (This might be a heal lol)
Waylay (35 sub) - Your Ambush critical hits have a 50/100% chacne to reduce the target's melee and ranged attack speed by 30%, movement speed by 70% and prevent item use for 8 sec. (Sounds pretty fair)
Honor Among Thieves (40 sub) - When anyone in your group critically hits with a damage of healing spell or ability you have a 10% chance to gain a combo point on your current target.
Wrongfully Accused (40 sub) - Whenever an attack is made against you, if the target is not your current target or has not already been attacking you they cause 50/100% less damage for 3 sec. (Okay, fair talent)
Slaughter from the Shadows (45 sub) - Reduce the energy cost of your Backstab and Ambush abilities by 3/6. (hi2u daggers)
Shadow Dance (50 sub) - 2min cd. Instantly enter stealth and begin the Shadow Dance. For 9 sec you will reenter stealth every 3 sec. (abmush->Shadow Dance-> cs garottex2 -> vanish ambush-> vanish cs YES)
Rogue - Ass Tree - Stuff
Deadly Brew (30 ass) - When you apply Insant, Wound, or Mind-Numbing poison to a target, you have a 50% chance to apply a second poison: Instant->Deadly, Woud->Crip, Mind->Crip
Turn the Tables (35 ass) - You have a 5/10/15% chance of reflecting physical effects back on the attacker. (cool rng talent, hi2u blind reflect)
Devious Poisons (35 ass) - Increases the damage causd by your Instant and Deadly Poison by 10%. In addition, when a target you've poisoned is healed or cured, thre is a 50/100% chance the poison afflicts the healer.
Blood Splatter (40 ass) - Increases the damage of your Garrote and Rupture abilities by 10/20%.
Focused Attacks (40 ass) - Your melee critical strikes have a 33/66/100% chance to give you 1 energy. (this seems dumb)
Cut to the Chase (45 ass) - Your Eviscerate and Envenom critical strikes have a 20% chance to refresh Slice n Dice. (bad)
Hunger for Blood (50 ass) - 30 energy - Enrages you, increasing all damage caused by 5%. If used while a bleed or magic is afflicting you, it will remove one Bleed and one Magic effect and refund the energy cost. This effect can be stacked up to 3 times. Lasts 10 seconds.
The ass tree seems gay except for OP 51 pointer.
Sub is SICK, but lacks DT interrupt. Combat is SSxbillion, win. Okay.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Chicago Noir (II)
The two blonds are caught off guard but don't seem particularly interested. Still, the bartender is a fierce ally -- you can't gay a bartender. They engage.
The cuter of the two is the further from you. Naturally. Green eyes. Round face. Tiny freckles. An American girl through and through. Her clothing suits her well enough. Flattering low-cut strapless top. Nice shoulders. Seriously, why isn't anyone hitting on this girl?
The closer girl is boring.
You have a good eye line to the farther girl at least. Closer can't really turn to speak to you very well due to the extreme proximity. Well, not without making out with you. You should reposition yourself. Give up the spot leaning against the bar and pull behind the two girls to engage both. But, you need the bartender.
Closer, on the topic of the uniforms, speaking more to the bartender than you, "I think they're classy."
You fire back. "I dunno - I think it just makes the rest of us look under-dressed."
Green Eyes leans around her friend, "I think formalwear for everyone might be a bit impractical."
"Psshh."
You like her. A little bit. Actually, neither girl gave you much to work with. Their blink reaction to you is a bit hard to read. You quickly remind yourself that you're playing a game stacked in your favor. All you want is to collect girls to mess around with -- try and fail as you might, and you often do, you will sometimes succeed. Try as the girls might, no girl at a club in Chicago is pedigree enough to keep you.
You decide to be very indirect. To the bartender, "What's with the earpieces in the bouncers yo? Got to be fake." Not so clever, but you're on the spot.
He runs with it. Because he's a bro. And he wants to help you. Help you get inside these two girls. "Those are totally fake," he laughs. "Look at the collar of their coats and you can see the cord bulge stops."
"I knew it," you say half to him and half to the two girls. Back to the bartender, "You need one."
"An earpiece?"
"Hell yeah."
"How's just wearing some of those bud earphones work for you?" Talk to the girls not just me you fucko.
With particularly venomous sarcasm, "You'd prefer to listen to something other than your cover band?"
"Not my band." Touchy. Nice.
Green Eyes is a sport: "Wouldn't that make it a little difficult to tell what people are ordering?" That's right. She's a fucking sport.
You spot Alpha working a tall, and simply ridiculous, brunette. Five ten. Full lips. Red dress. Oriental print. Silver bracelets. Very tan. The print on the dress looks to be a giant golden dragon that snakes it away up and around the back. Very hot.
He spots you. He whispers something to his girl. She points to you and waves for you to come down. Shit, you know this girl. You met her at a fashion show you were dragged to a few months back. She was modeling jewelry, but the memorable part was that she wore nothing but body paint for the show. Didn't recognize her with...clothes.
That evening when you met her was a total fuckshow. You and two of your friends were invited by a girl photographing the event. First, she abandoned you to take pictures promptly upon arriving. Then, both your friends spent the whole night making out with two busted girls as you stood around by yourself bored out your mind. The consolation was that you chatted and bullshitted around with one of the body paint girls about some of the new Commes des Garcons collaborations for an hour after the show. She had a boyfriend--
Your bartender is still keeping your two girls warm for you. The tools to your right still haven't been able to get a drink ordered. You roll your eyes to Alpha and Dragon Girl signalling you're working the two next to you. Dragon Girl gives you a goofy thumps-up and signals to you to catch up to them outside for a smoke. You aren't even sure how she signalled that. It was very commando. Your girls suck.
The cuter of the two is the further from you. Naturally. Green eyes. Round face. Tiny freckles. An American girl through and through. Her clothing suits her well enough. Flattering low-cut strapless top. Nice shoulders. Seriously, why isn't anyone hitting on this girl?
The closer girl is boring.
You have a good eye line to the farther girl at least. Closer can't really turn to speak to you very well due to the extreme proximity. Well, not without making out with you. You should reposition yourself. Give up the spot leaning against the bar and pull behind the two girls to engage both. But, you need the bartender.
Closer, on the topic of the uniforms, speaking more to the bartender than you, "I think they're classy."
You fire back. "I dunno - I think it just makes the rest of us look under-dressed."
Green Eyes leans around her friend, "I think formalwear for everyone might be a bit impractical."
"Psshh."
You like her. A little bit. Actually, neither girl gave you much to work with. Their blink reaction to you is a bit hard to read. You quickly remind yourself that you're playing a game stacked in your favor. All you want is to collect girls to mess around with -- try and fail as you might, and you often do, you will sometimes succeed. Try as the girls might, no girl at a club in Chicago is pedigree enough to keep you.
You decide to be very indirect. To the bartender, "What's with the earpieces in the bouncers yo? Got to be fake." Not so clever, but you're on the spot.
He runs with it. Because he's a bro. And he wants to help you. Help you get inside these two girls. "Those are totally fake," he laughs. "Look at the collar of their coats and you can see the cord bulge stops."
"I knew it," you say half to him and half to the two girls. Back to the bartender, "You need one."
"An earpiece?"
"Hell yeah."
"How's just wearing some of those bud earphones work for you?" Talk to the girls not just me you fucko.
With particularly venomous sarcasm, "You'd prefer to listen to something other than your cover band?"
"Not my band." Touchy. Nice.
Green Eyes is a sport: "Wouldn't that make it a little difficult to tell what people are ordering?" That's right. She's a fucking sport.
You spot Alpha working a tall, and simply ridiculous, brunette. Five ten. Full lips. Red dress. Oriental print. Silver bracelets. Very tan. The print on the dress looks to be a giant golden dragon that snakes it away up and around the back. Very hot.
He spots you. He whispers something to his girl. She points to you and waves for you to come down. Shit, you know this girl. You met her at a fashion show you were dragged to a few months back. She was modeling jewelry, but the memorable part was that she wore nothing but body paint for the show. Didn't recognize her with...clothes.
That evening when you met her was a total fuckshow. You and two of your friends were invited by a girl photographing the event. First, she abandoned you to take pictures promptly upon arriving. Then, both your friends spent the whole night making out with two busted girls as you stood around by yourself bored out your mind. The consolation was that you chatted and bullshitted around with one of the body paint girls about some of the new Commes des Garcons collaborations for an hour after the show. She had a boyfriend--
Your bartender is still keeping your two girls warm for you. The tools to your right still haven't been able to get a drink ordered. You roll your eyes to Alpha and Dragon Girl signalling you're working the two next to you. Dragon Girl gives you a goofy thumps-up and signals to you to catch up to them outside for a smoke. You aren't even sure how she signalled that. It was very commando. Your girls suck.
Chicago
Chicago Club Scene
It's 10pm. Some of your boys are in town. Chicago. Your home town, not theirs.
That home town shit matters. Changes up the rules. You're now accountable for your crew having a good time. If they can't close tonight, it's partially on you. But on the flipside, you've got people who know you in this city, a reputation -- there's a lot of your life you keep outside this city and a lot of shit you don't want tied to you here.
Your friends, well, it's the same spooks as in Vegas. Alpha's here against his will. Then again, he hates everywhere but Vegas.
Cab stops at Erie and LaSalle. You and three of your friends hop out into the night. It's warm. Well, by Chicago standards. Sixty-ish. Warm enough for at least a few skirts. You hope.
The spot is Martini-fucking-Park. The lamest, most embarrassing, was-never-cool place you could possibly spend a night. Your local hometown friend insisted. 'Ridiculous bitches' he claimed. Even Jill has been turning him down lately, so you pity obliged.
It's also maybe true that you didn't fight too hard because every Chicago place is basically the same.
The guys are douchebag finance jocks in Sevens or R&Rs with those untucked, baggy Boss or Zegna button-downs two sizes too big. Crunchy hair. Maybe a few Guido looking motherfuckers in frat-boy Diesels with popped-collar polos. Maybe some Indian or Asian premeds trying to rock the frat boy shit and just looking terribly lost. All with awful shoes and accessories. At least in fucking New York, a banker buys himself a decent watch. The sad thing is every last one of these pieces of shit thinks he's baller and has the attitude to match. Douchebags.
The girls are less fashionista than the guys in this city. Which is perhaps a good thing. But they're old. No club in this city can reliably keep the average age of its women below 25. Shit, I think 30 would be a real stretch. You can consider that stretch-bit a double entendre if you like. This place you're going tonight is notoriously aged. You won't likely talk to more than one or two girls younger than you all night. As for the dress code -- the girls dress conservatively. Jeans and a cami. A few halters. A few little black dresses. Zero jewelry. Except those same big dumb American hoops.
While you're busy daydreaming, Alpha grins to the guys, "One cab here. Four cabs home, gentleman."
You roll your eyes. The others dig it. The local and your other friend hurry inside.
You note the lack of people waiting to get inside. To Alpha, "No line."
"Bad sign."
It's 10pm. Some of your boys are in town. Chicago. Your home town, not theirs.
That home town shit matters. Changes up the rules. You're now accountable for your crew having a good time. If they can't close tonight, it's partially on you. But on the flipside, you've got people who know you in this city, a reputation -- there's a lot of your life you keep outside this city and a lot of shit you don't want tied to you here.
Your friends, well, it's the same spooks as in Vegas. Alpha's here against his will. Then again, he hates everywhere but Vegas.
Cab stops at Erie and LaSalle. You and three of your friends hop out into the night. It's warm. Well, by Chicago standards. Sixty-ish. Warm enough for at least a few skirts. You hope.
The spot is Martini-fucking-Park. The lamest, most embarrassing, was-never-cool place you could possibly spend a night. Your local hometown friend insisted. 'Ridiculous bitches' he claimed. Even Jill has been turning him down lately, so you pity obliged.
It's also maybe true that you didn't fight too hard because every Chicago place is basically the same.
The guys are douchebag finance jocks in Sevens or R&Rs with those untucked, baggy Boss or Zegna button-downs two sizes too big. Crunchy hair. Maybe a few Guido looking motherfuckers in frat-boy Diesels with popped-collar polos. Maybe some Indian or Asian premeds trying to rock the frat boy shit and just looking terribly lost. All with awful shoes and accessories. At least in fucking New York, a banker buys himself a decent watch. The sad thing is every last one of these pieces of shit thinks he's baller and has the attitude to match. Douchebags.
The girls are less fashionista than the guys in this city. Which is perhaps a good thing. But they're old. No club in this city can reliably keep the average age of its women below 25. Shit, I think 30 would be a real stretch. You can consider that stretch-bit a double entendre if you like. This place you're going tonight is notoriously aged. You won't likely talk to more than one or two girls younger than you all night. As for the dress code -- the girls dress conservatively. Jeans and a cami. A few halters. A few little black dresses. Zero jewelry. Except those same big dumb American hoops.
While you're busy daydreaming, Alpha grins to the guys, "One cab here. Four cabs home, gentleman."
You roll your eyes. The others dig it. The local and your other friend hurry inside.
You note the lack of people waiting to get inside. To Alpha, "No line."
"Bad sign."
Inside is as expected. It's still before midnight so the band is still on. All eighties and nineties covers. Lots of Journey. Third Eye Blind. All the old, white, and never-cool get really into it to the point of singing along with the band. It's brutally tragic. Fucking kill me.
After midnight, a DJ replaces the band and it becomes mostly top 40 hip hop. The scene changes up to more of a dance club vibe which is a welcome change from the standing-around-yelling-over-the-band vibe that's going on currently.
The inside space is well designed if nothing else. Two large circular bars. Lots of tables and couches positioned well enough to keep people social. Very clean. A bit too dark and certainly too loud for a place that's supposed to be schmooze-y at this hour. Chicago places are all too dark. Maybe it's to keep the pale mid-western bodies looking better.
You hand your cover to the remarkably unattractive hostess. If this was Vegas...but it's not. You move on. She's wearing a fucking pants suit. Gray suit. White blouse. Hispanic maybe. A little overweight. Not the tiniest fraction of a smile. This is a service industry, right?
Alpha says something to her you can't hear over the band and the two continue talking. Who knows what he's up to.
You think about your character for the night. It's no different than being at the tables really. You pick a persona, an attitude, a story and you leverage it to elicit predictable and manipulable responses. Well, you try. You're better with Poker than girls. Shit, you probably like Poker better too.
You're playing to your strengths tonight. Preppy and bored is the game. You're dressed to match, but you wear the look with disdain. Khakis are slightly baggy. White Oxford shirt with a preppy schoolboy vest over it. Shirt untucked and creeping below the base of the vest. A bit unkempt. Shades in your hair. Real watch. Lots of accessories. Expensive sneakers. Shit, what you're wearing is worth more than the piece of shit three-series that half these fucks drive. The goal is simple. Demonstrate wealth without talking about it. No talking about it. At all.
Most guys in finance work the career angle. Some brag about deals they've been on or the bank for which they work. They talk money. It's what they know. It obviously works pretty well as they all still do it. Not your style though. It's not even that the girls are all gold diggers at these places. For them, it's just a checklist. Is he successful? Check.
Preppy and bored isn't particularly subtle. Be interesting and mysterious. Use said boredom as an excuse 'to get out of here.' Demonstrate wealth to make the 'out of here' place intriguing. The club scene isn't really your strong point. Get out as quickly as possible.
Part of the problem is the boredom is genuine. No matter how cute a girl is, standing around downing severely overpriced, generic, drinks for hours while you holler in each other's ears trying to communicate over the music blows. You're not trying to one night these girls anyways. Not your style. Not that you haven't. Or that you wouldn't if it was the right girl. You're looking for numbers. Not STDs or alimony.
Two girls seated at a table nearest the entrance immediately notice you as you exit the foyer with the hostess and enter the open area of the club. Blond and brunette. Late twenties. At best. Cute-ish but too old. Their noticing of you isn't anything too special. They took that table to scout the door. Their game is clearly to eyefuck the shit out of any guy that isn't a total bust and then pray for the best.
Your solution to unwanted attention is simple. Pretend they don't exist. You stare blankly through the two and continue further inside.
Your two friends from the cab have caught up to the rest of your crew who apparently have been here for an hour already. They came here at fucking 9pm? Sadness. You'd rather strike out by yourself looking for prey than stand around like a doofus with your boys so you opt out of the brodown and move towards the other bar.
The place is already pretty asses to elbows. There are girls, but none obviously, immediately approachable. You finally spot two girls of interest waiting on drinks at the upper bar. Both blond. Petite. Fake tans. Cute enough.
There are a few guys to their right impatiently trying to get the attention of a bartender, but none of them are working the girls. The girls aren't exactly your type, but still, in most scenes there would be guys permanently glued to such girls.
You walk up to the bar next to the two and a bartender immediately turns to take your order snubbing the guys already there. Chumps.
Bartender is late twenties. Asian. Spiked hair. "Watcha havin' bro?"
"Sam Adams."
You decline starting up a tab saying your friends have one running on the lower bar. Which is true but really you only ordered a beer because you knew you could tip generously on it and that only plays with cash. Eight on twelve looks better than five on fifteen. Besides, he's about to earn it for you.
"Your change man," as you start to turn away from the bar. You haven't looked at all at the two girls. You were just here to grab a beer.
"Nah, we're good. But hey, what's with the dress code?"
"On us?" All the staff in the place are seriously overdressed. Formalwear on everyone. "I dunno. Rules are rules."
You turn to the girls. "What do you think?"
** TO BE CONTINUED **
(A diversion from Poker Noirs)
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Aggro LOL
I was reading Bethryn's What's Wrong With Aggro and was pretty embarassed to realize that I had never put any thought into how stupid the aggro mechanic really is. I mean. Seriously retarded. I mean you are supposedly fighting these intelligent, powerful motherfuckers and all they do is basically autoattack your warrior and occasionally cleave. All PvE bosses are basically just bad warriors on bad cleave teams.
While training warriors nonstop is sometimes effective, PvE really needs to learn to target swap, CC, and land some interrupts.
It seems to me that creating AIs that act like PvPers isn't terribly difficult. WoW is pretty straightforward. I'm pretty sure you can craft an AI that can pillar hump and press Lifebloom. Why don't mobs use their environments to their advantage at all? I think a PvE redesign from a PvP perspective would be pretty cool. Start with 2s. Try to create bots that emulate players. Work up to fives. Focus on movement, positioning, and targetting. Actually deciding how to spend your globals is pretty simple.
It might be hard to translate into 25man content, but maybe not.
The points made about threat meters I couldn't agree more with: stupidest shit ever. Your job is to push fireball which is already a pretty boring job. Because of aggro mechanics, you have a mod that tells you when to stop pushing fireball. You obey the mod -- you get purples. PvE is awesome. (Okay, the truth is PvE 'skill' has almost nothing to do with how well you play your class, but other factors, whatever)
I don't PvE at all but I perhaps would if it was less downs. ^^ Or if I could use the purples to own people and then shittalk them on IRC. LEARN TO TANK GLAIVES BAD PRIEST.
While training warriors nonstop is sometimes effective, PvE really needs to learn to target swap, CC, and land some interrupts.
It seems to me that creating AIs that act like PvPers isn't terribly difficult. WoW is pretty straightforward. I'm pretty sure you can craft an AI that can pillar hump and press Lifebloom. Why don't mobs use their environments to their advantage at all? I think a PvE redesign from a PvP perspective would be pretty cool. Start with 2s. Try to create bots that emulate players. Work up to fives. Focus on movement, positioning, and targetting. Actually deciding how to spend your globals is pretty simple.
It might be hard to translate into 25man content, but maybe not.
The points made about threat meters I couldn't agree more with: stupidest shit ever. Your job is to push fireball which is already a pretty boring job. Because of aggro mechanics, you have a mod that tells you when to stop pushing fireball. You obey the mod -- you get purples. PvE is awesome. (Okay, the truth is PvE 'skill' has almost nothing to do with how well you play your class, but other factors, whatever)
I don't PvE at all but I perhaps would if it was less downs. ^^ Or if I could use the purples to own people and then shittalk them on IRC. LEARN TO TANK GLAIVES BAD PRIEST.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Kate Beckinsale Is Why I Didn't See Kung Fu Panda This Weekend
First of all, how did I never hear about that whole I'd-rather-eat-pussy-than-sushi comment she made. Which she then followed up with "at least a vagina would be warm." Now to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure she means eat in the sexy sense or if we're talking some Hannibal Lecter type shit, but:
- She's awesome.
- But I prefer sushi.
Gotta love how she handles the press. She likes a sexier, somewhat more female version of yours truly. Minus the sexier. Times the more female.
What does this have to do with anything? Zero. One of my friends blew me off this weekend because she was watching the Underworld "Trilogy" wtih her boyfriend. Don't worry -- I was similarly confused. I don't think there are words to describe the facial expression that excuse generates.
No, my friend isn't Summer Roberts and her boyfriend isn't Seth Cohen. They watched the Blade Trilogy. Which was actually a trilogy. With three movies and all. Apparently, Summer and Seth are fictional characters as well, but that really doesn't have much to do with what I claim on the interwebs, now does it?
Nonetheless, no Kung Fu Panda.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
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