Get 'Em Vhell

GO BIG V (LOL)

I'm not live blogging shit. Go watch the stream faggots.

Precog Raddy

Well, I don't have any WoW news. Aside from I'll probably be watching WWI this weekend; I do have some picks for who I think will do well at the tourney, but I'll likely talk about that later.

"How do you know who's going to win?" Truth is that I'm, in fact, not psychic. I'm prescient. Like those hairless freaks in the sauna in Minority Report. I have somewhat more hair and am marginally less pale but just as future-see-y. I acquired said powers of prescience by fucking that Powder look-a-like who escaped with Cruise. By 'fucked' I mean we had precog sex. I told her that I already saw us in the future doing it and she pretty much had no choice. Sure we agreed to wait, but let's not get technical on when the sex occurred. It already happened. In the future.

My prescience however failed to prepare me for Ana's shocking exodus from Wimbledon today. Honestly if there's a god he is Nathan Lane (really fucking) gay. There actually isn't a God to blame but fuck it when you've got nobody else to blame you have to blame the supernatural. I can't blame Ana. Or that crafty little railroad worker escapee. Actually, I think today was the first day Peter Jackson showed up. Fat bastard is bad luck I think.

With no Americans left in the men's draw and no women I'd put it in without double bagging, Wimbledon has lost much of its appeal. Those bags go on their heads not on my p btw. Paper and plastic. I'd throw them shits out without recycling after we're done too. Fuck the environment.

There's still Safin's sweet raging I suppose. And I can't help but cheer for Max Mirnyi -- that Frankenstein looking mothfucker.

I saw Wanted at last night's midnight opening and it was fucking awesome. The movie was solid but it's one of those movies where the audience can add a ton. I went with one of my friends (a mini-me sized halfsie girl obsessed with HK flicks and terrible horror movies who's awesome but less cool than me sadly) and we ended up sitting with this huge group of twenty something black guys who were super loud and funny as fuck. It's definitely the type of action movie that gets extra love from having a blacktrack (like laughtrack but black get it? omgomg). That's not racist you fucking pussy. I had Illmatic in 95; I can't be racist. But the "OH SHIT OH SHIT" and "DAMN" hollers take shit to the next level.

I shit you not that one of the guys turned to my friend teary-eyed and said "This the best damn movie I ever seen."

My precog spidey sense is telling me that there will probably be backlash concerning how skinny Jolie is for the role. She looks like she hasn't eaten in weeks, i.e. perfect. The dark tan with Tribal and Gothic tattoos aren't hurting. Shit is hot. I'm not a Jolie fan tbh. I have no interest in girls above the Age Rule (Divide your age by 2 and add 7). Young fresh and green, nah mean? But anyways, there will be haters who bitch and moan about how it's unrealistic for girls to starve themselves to look that good. Personally, I think that's bullshit. It's a scientific fact that girls can survive off nothing but toothpaste and cocaine.

Unrelated-ly...So there's a sex tape with mini-me and his non-mini girlfriend. There's a lot of drama about it, but let's be real. Sex with mini-me isn't sex. It's gerbiling.

On those lines, why is there no I'm fucking Matt Damon spoof with Hafu and Glickz? You people are throwing away your efame. Yeah that shit is old and totally played out, but let's face it, it's the WoW community, it's allowed to be two years behind what's cool. Oh how Kayne of me. SOON ILL BE BLOGGING IN ALL CAPS WITH AN OVERABUNDANCE OF PUNCTUATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T STOP IT SHOWS MY PASSION AND HOW EMOTIONAL I AM RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!! WTF IS WRONG WITH EXPRESSING YOUR FEELINGS?????????????

Seriously though. Him hating on whites for posering black culture and being years behind is pretty epic when you've got rappers repping Bathing Ape hoodies and kicks that have been played out in Japan for YEARS. Or rocking goofy French cuffs -- YEARS BEHIND. (Sorry jay it's true) Shit white people need some mocking but it's for their retarded love of granola, clean energy, correcting grammar, and the Office.

I'm off like your girl's top at a frat party. Peace.

Sad Kermit Loves Ana Ivanovic

First, exhibit A(wesome):


I spent all morning emoraging in fear that she might lose, but God loves the beautiful and virtuous. I willed that ball over the tape. It's okay, Ana. You don't owe me a thing. We want the same thing you and I.

Now, sadkermit. Sad Kermit is pretty old. If you're a savvy pro web surfer (I'm like Keanu in Point Break with less belly fat, tighter board shorts and generally less but sometimes more depending on my mood 'woah'), you've already seen Sad Kermit and are thinking "Bro that's old as dicks." True. Dicks are old. Ancient. There were dicks before I came. There will be dicks long after I'm gone. That has nothing to do with Kermit shooting up and going down on a dumb red dog. Your argument is fucking atrocious. Rethink it. Differently.

Back to my current tennis love, Ana: The thing with tennis players is they don't get pregnant. Ever. I'm pretty sure they can't. Desensitization to balls or too much bouncing or perhaps it's the fact that tennis is quite British and British people don't have sex. So a freakish obsession with a tennis starlet is pretty safe -- you don't have to worry about some faggot less famous than your local WoW internet blogger putting a baby inside her.

Douchebag isn't strong enough.


All of the WoW drama is generally on hold till we see who gets banned next week. But, if you're read to whip out dicks and have a joust, I'm game to fence a bit:

It's not shocking that teams are willing to make compromises such as "If you tank to us in 3s, we'll tank to you in 2s." It's still gayer than AIDS. I'm sure this was attempted on a billion battlegroups, but I feel warm and fuzzy to think it was attempted on our own.

A lot of threes teams were exploiting the queue system by inviting a new member to the team and requeueing. Adding a 1500 player to a 2400 teams puts your average rating at 2100 and you can queue up against much weaker competition to farm 2-4 point games. This is high risk in the sense that you can lose a ton of points to these teams, but if you're consistent or run a comp with a high margin for error, this can be a huge advantage. This was heavily abused by pretty much everyone. It's pretty hard to distinguish between 'helping your bro get glad' and 'dodging teams our rating to snipe titles.' Know what's not hard to distinguish? Balls. As in when they aren't there, you notice. The lack of them. Balls. When they aren't there. With them all not there and shit.

Fuck all you tennis haters. I hope you all get AIDS in the butt and die.

It has been brought to my attention that you might not recognize Ana in non tennis attire. I therefore present a few gratuitous and exploitative tennis shots:

BG5 Superstars

Incoming dramas about titles and crap nobody should care about it. Win trading. Rating reset exploiting. Drugs. Sex. Dicks.