I spent all morning emoraging in fear that she might lose, but God loves the beautiful and virtuous. I willed that ball over the tape. It's okay, Ana. You don't owe me a thing. We want the same thing you and I.
Now, sadkermit. Sad Kermit is pretty old. If you're a savvy pro web surfer (I'm like Keanu in Point Break with less belly fat, tighter board shorts and generally less but sometimes more depending on my mood 'woah'), you've already seen Sad Kermit and are thinking "Bro that's old as dicks." True. Dicks are old. Ancient. There were dicks before I came. There will be dicks long after I'm gone. That has nothing to do with Kermit shooting up and going down on a dumb red dog. Your argument is fucking atrocious. Rethink it. Differently.
Back to my current tennis love, Ana: The thing with tennis players is they don't get pregnant. Ever. I'm pretty sure they can't. Desensitization to balls or too much bouncing or perhaps it's the fact that tennis is quite British and British people don't have sex. So a freakish obsession with a tennis starlet is pretty safe -- you don't have to worry about some faggot less famous than your local WoW internet blogger putting a baby inside her.
Douchebag isn't strong enough.
All of the WoW drama is generally on hold till we see who gets banned next week. But, if you're read to whip out dicks and have a joust, I'm game to fence a bit:
It's not shocking that teams are willing to make compromises such as "If you tank to us in 3s, we'll tank to you in 2s." It's still gayer than AIDS. I'm sure this was attempted on a billion battlegroups, but I feel warm and fuzzy to think it was attempted on our own.
A lot of threes teams were exploiting the queue system by inviting a new member to the team and requeueing. Adding a 1500 player to a 2400 teams puts your average rating at 2100 and you can queue up against much weaker competition to farm 2-4 point games. This is high risk in the sense that you can lose a ton of points to these teams, but if you're consistent or run a comp with a high margin for error, this can be a huge advantage. This was heavily abused by pretty much everyone. It's pretty hard to distinguish between 'helping your bro get glad' and 'dodging teams our rating to snipe titles.' Know what's not hard to distinguish? Balls. As in when they aren't there, you notice. The lack of them. Balls. When they aren't there. With them all not there and shit.
Fuck all you tennis haters. I hope you all get AIDS in the butt and die.
It has been brought to my attention that you might not recognize Ana in non tennis attire. I therefore present a few gratuitous and exploitative tennis shots:
23 comments:
Beatiful
Is it sad to say that I noticed that she's using the same grip tape as I am? Btw the balls thing is so true. The part about them not being there and all.
Oh dude that is definitely a tit right there - you can totally see the nipple.
Kinda like Pooks and Hosty until I steal 29 points and Vglad from them in the last 10 minutes of the season playing a freak RRP because my mage's comp died. Lolz
I love you.
should definitely name names on who was sploitin' the system or this is no fun at all
"THE FEMALE ORGASM IS A MYTH"
Ur not doing it rite nub rof
get on irc i need to run something by you!
Balls
so
what's your opinion on the exploit that lets you drink while standing up?
I think it's pretty sweet
"Ur not doing it rite nub rof"
"rof"?!?! "rof"?!?!
Rolling on the floor WILL NOT get her to orgasm.
No, she will instead most likely believe you are going into shock. Or she'll start to BELIEVE her mother, who said that you had faulty genes and could be struck with retardation at any moment.
This doesn't matter, however, because the simple fact is that the female orgasm does not exist.
Those who believe it does are pity cases.
HIM: "Was it good for you, too, baby?"
HER (Thinking "um, sure"): "Uugh I came, it was mindblowing!"
You have either A) Found a woman who cares about you enough to masturbate your ego, B) Found a woman who feels sorry for you and would rather not tell you the truth about your miserable performance, or my favorite, C) found a woman who does not in any way, shape, or form enjoy your midnight rendezvous and would like to have you think you are a casanova already, so you don't put too much time and effort into it and it can end sooner.
Take your pick.
Your face is buried deep between Kathy's legs. Despite the chunks of fresh vomit flying off your bodies you hang on for life and breath as her hips buck wildly, as broncos in an open field. Her shrieks echo back from the room's walls. If this was Chicago somebody would've called the cops by now. Whatever, time to get louder.
You flip the switch, using all of the strength Peaches burned into your lips and tongue - full figure eights, inventive tongue twists, even the vaunted "Snow Leopard" maneuver. It's not that you really enjoy this all that much, just that once you're locked in you can't break away, like a mongoose to a cobra's neck.
The decibel level rises as her whole body twitches repeatedly before flopping off the bed, dragging your body headfirst along with it.
ZHRAAEEEEE FFAAAOOOOOOOHHHH GOD GOD AIEEEEEES
Her legs are spazzing out, flaying out sideways and then back again to smack against your head. You slow to a stop and lay back across the floor with eyes closed. Your jaw aches but that comes with the territory. You speak softly, "Was it good for you too, baby?"
"Uugh I came, it was mindblowing!"
His face is buried deep between your legs...this isn't ideal for you, but at least it's keeping him from sticking *that thing* inside you.
you shudder, which he mistakes for pleasure. Oh well, perhaps you can satisfy his ego here so it won't go further?
He starts...whispering(?) in between your legs....
You can't make out what he's saying, but for some reason it's making you think of food...
you start mentally tallying your grocery list while giving out an "ooh" every now and then to let him know you are still with him.
Apples? Check.
Milk? Check.
Peaches? "-oooh baby keep going"
check.
Orange juice?...
this goes on for a bit. Thank god it's Chicago and someone across the hall called the cops when they heard the racket.
"Everything alright in there?"
You suddenly remember your man.
He's looking up at you now like a puppy retrieving a ball hoping it pleased it's master.
"Was it good for you too, baby?"
OH GOD, BABY POWDER! you almost forgot!
"Yes, it was mindblowing"
the lost last chapters to both poker and chicago noir
(oppo lets run away together and write a book)
http://preview.tinyurl.com/5t7zu3
Looks like Radi taking over some of Ming's traffic!
Pretty close to two million lifetime hits HEYO!
(that's really small but sounds really big...something I know all about)
Oppo's a god.
take juicy pictures if u'll be playin poker with dahis
ZOMG SHES OUT
the sexy die young =(
Hehe chicago + poker noir all in one... tho without so much finesse :P
Try a norwegian girl. Then move to Norway.
Raddy, as much as I would love to be together with you, our two worlds can never join.
Or rather, my mediocre world would taint yours into a shade of grey native only to certain areas of new jersey.
In stark contrast and in holific tribute to your noir, I share my world with you now!
Gainesville Noir.
Thursday.
It's the break between summer semesters and the town is dead.
you can still hear faint echoes of screeching wheels; teens punishing cars (GOOD cars...fucking spoiled richies) stuffed with dorm furniture through the one way out of town.
The bar scene promises to be dismal at best, but it's still your night and two of your friends are still stuck in town. One is TA playing three professors and the department for funding and credit for the same project, the other, a recent graduate fresh out of a breakup with no place else to go other than his parent's couch...nowhere near the understanding and compassion down at the MSP's nurturing cradle.
(That's 'Market Street Pub' for all you people who can't read when vomiting, upside down.)
You guys take your 'regular' table.
You'd take a spot at the bar but it's 7:30...prime pussy won't be biting till at least midnight and you don't wanna wear out the 'hot spots' by starting too early.
...Too early...you all agree it was a good idea to show up to avoid the rush, when you know there won't be one.
A waitress comes over to you.
Suprise, suprise.
Forgot you were at a table.
She IDs you (bitch) and the graduate. Legal age.
What she doesn't know is that TA is rockin' the Two-Oh. She gives him the look - No year, no beer.
Graduate pulls out a trick play.
"He's our D.D."
WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU THINK OF THAT?
Her shift ended 5 minutes ago and she's willing to leave it at that.
Graduate pulls her over, whispers something, and off she goes.
He gives you and the TA a wink.
"My treat, guys."
Back comes a pitcher and 3 cups (THAT TRICK PLAY COULD HAVE BEEN YOURS!) of their finest...Natty light.
Graduate smiles, content, and takes a swig, oblivious.
Gonna be a long night.
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