Caution, Lust

Girl: Niiiice.
Boy: Um, thanks. I grew it myself.

Girl: Niiiice.
Boy: You should see my dad's.

Girl: Niiiice.
Boy: Um, thanks. You've a got a great...personality.

Girl: Niiiice.
Boy: Really?

Personally, I'm a fan of version one, but to each their own.

Unfortunately, today we have some business which needs tending, so our frivolity shall just have to wait.

First and foremost, there is the Scarlet Ebay auction. For the low-low price of a few hundred thousand dollars, you can pretend to be on a date with a former Radikal Noise blogger! Okay, so apparently she did some movies. Half of them were with "Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love" Woody Allen though, so do those even count? I mean the man shits all over the divide-by-2-and-add-7 rule, which is admirable in a cute old person way, but seriously, he's creepy old and might inevitably ruin the inappropriately younger women thing for all of us. And I'm pretty sure I'll never entirely forgive either Woody or Scarlet for Scoop. I'd rather watch those sex-ed videos from health class with the inside-the-penis cameras. I see a light at the end of the tunnel! I'm free. Oh my god, it's an even bigger tunnel! With monsters!! AHHH!!

Now if it was a date with my favorite little Dark Angel, I'd be a buyer. Jessica, you know you get my whacks on like Daniel-san. (whacks -- wax, oh forget it)

I, unfortunately, am prohibited from bidding on said auction due to a lifetime ban on using Ebay. Selling kidneys is apparently against their terms of service and, no matter how much I protested and explained that the kidneys came from children and poor people, Ebay wouldn't budge. With nearly half of the world's population living below the poverty line ($2 US a day), how is it a crime to help these people by selling their organs for thousands of dollars to those in need of transplants? God gives the poor that extra kidney and lung for a reason.

The second order of business is that the glorious return of Gossip Girl has been postponed until April 21st. It had been the end of March previously. Why should I be chosen to be an usher? I'm Chuck Bass. Fuck, I'm not sure I can hold out that long. With Prison Break and Sarah Connor Chronicles both ending abruptly and totally fucking randomly and new Gossip Girl more than a month away, I'm suddenly faced with more time to hop around in WoW doing nothing. Not a pleasant thought indeed.

Lastly, apparently the G-Spot is real. So is the Easter Bunny. And Jesus. And Corey Worthington. Just pointing out other real things. Besides, what's the point of orgasms you can't see anyways.