But It's Not Between Any Nets

Ready up, because I'm bringing it today. By it, I mean fire. As in the heat. With the bringing and the burning and the WTFISTHIS: "Raddy is a baller though. Even if he likes the one eye snake too much." - Darkeblue

Erroneous! What's too much anyways. To prove it to you, and the rest of the world, that I, Radikalus Maximus, am not obsessed with dicks, I'm going to defend my honor against Gameriot's recent slander without a single reference to penii.

Let me begin
by first briefly noting that Ming's repeated mentions of my personal RL
along with his repeated and contrasting commentary on the relevance of
real world success with WoW success makes somewhere between little
and no sense. Kind of like that sentence. But I think by now you might
be catching on to what I'm trying to
do here and this joke is
so terrible and obvious
but fuck, let's just say
that Ming won't see
this one coming.


Great success. I feel better now. Maybe a little too much better.

Truth is I haven't had much time for blogging as of late. The finance world has been pretty fucked up with the realization that the American economy is actually worth zero and the freaked-out-ness of the whole sitch (that's short for situation -- I'm a valley girl, suck a D) has stolen precious blogging time. True, I do still have time to read through pages and pages of Gameriot posts looking for mention of my name, but that's top priority. You never know when some random dude out there is going to gay you on the internet.

Getting gayed on the internet is no laughing matter. It means that somewhere, someone is laughing at you. They don't even know you. But they're motherfucking laughing. Not only that, but they're posting words to try to get other dudes* laughing as well. Pretty humiliating? I know.

* I say 'dudes' because there is still no hard evidence confirming women can or want to use the internet

You're probably thinking, or you fucking should be, How Do I Stop Myself From Getting Gayed on the Internet? Well, that's actually the title of my book, so you should go buy it. It's 69.99 after shipping. No, before shipping. Actually, it doesn't matter. There's a 69 joke in there. See what I just did there? It's important. And without further ado, here's my list of how to avoid getting gayed on the internet:

1. Wherever you frequent, there will be people who like to post jokes or silly messages. They do this to be funny, which in turn, will hopefully make people laugh and therefore like them. It's important that you post the exact same type of joke or message as these people as many times as you can. This will feel strange at first, but just go with it. Even if you don't understand the joke or phrase, just keep posting it. The forum community will quickly recognize that you are 'with-it' and will have no choice but to love you when they recognize you speak the same lingo.
2. Remember that even though you are just talking through the interwebs, there are real people behind computers. Fat people.
3. Sometimes you will read something on the internet that you don't understand or doesn't interest you. You must still respond; just repeat whatever the person above you said.
4. The following things are always cool: Cars, DJing, Sneakers, Watches, Jessica Alba, Clubbing, Winning. Try using one or more in a sentence with a lingo-word. See #1. Here's an example. So I was wearing some sneakers and a watch at this club last night in Vegas and I'm totally recking this other DJ in a battle when all of a sudden OMGODZBROSEPH Jessica Alba walks in.
5. Eventually, someone will type some words that are intended to insult and hurt you. Now many professionals in this field will give you lengthy discussions on how to deal with these internet confrontations. Charlattans and phonies every one of them. You can win any confrontation with two words: dicks bro*.

* Don't try to understand 'dicks bro' -- its power lies beyond our mortal comprehension

What happens if you just let yourself get gayed?

Well, if said gaying escalates too much, it moves from just getting gayed (with all that laughing and the words) to what I like to call getting schlappa'd. Once schlappa'd, you've got two options:

1. Kill Yourself. (Recommended)
2. Abandon your internet name and start with a new online 'handle'.

Strategy one is pretty straightforward and is the general all purpose solution I recommend for any life crisis. Low score on an exam? Girl turned you down on a date? Spilled a few Cheerios on the floor fixing your cereal? Eazy peazy. (Didn't 'fixing' sound all debonair and British!)

However, a lot of people, even after becoming schlappa'd, want to continue to participate in the community from which they've been recently ostracized. They know they can only blame themselves. They let themselves get gayed and, through negligence, let this gaying escalate. They think they can do better next time. A new name. A clean state.

Unfortunately, trying to start anew is generally doomed. People will eventually learn who you originally were, at which point, you're instantly back to schlappa status, or, they'll simply come to scorn and hate you again anyways. While no fancy scientist has determined how this complex behavior comes to exist in us humans, I have two theories:

1. Losers will always be losers. God hates you and made you to be ostracized.
2. You have downs.

I know, I know. You're thinking. "It's just not fair. My forum friends turned against me. And now, Radikal says that either God hates me or that I'm retarded. What should I do?"

I think you know. I think you know.