Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Chapter VI (Part III)

The man's voice was soft, gentle, cloyingly sweet, but with a dirty vinyl rasp that betrayed its kindness.

"Truthfully, I had lost interest, but this one, she's special."

I recognized Mania instantly. She was much younger, her hair shorter, the tattoos missing, her frame somehow even gaunter, more fragile. She was chained to a wall, each wrist locked in iron clasps, and more than that, what looked like a rail road tie was driven through her left wrist, through bone and brick pinning her quite messily to the cold stone. My own wrist ached in sympathy. She stared at the floor, her hair obscuring her face such that I couldn't tell if she was conscious.

"I'll wake her up," spoke the soft voice as Vincent entered our view. I had never seen more than a distant still, but now with his face filling nearly the entire frame, I could see he was soft and symmetrical, his eyes large and seemingly innocent, his mouth pulled in a gentle smile, all lies.

He approached the chained girl, a long razor in hand. "Wake up, little fly."

Mania's head lifted and she appeared drugged, poisoned. Her face showed no emotion. Her Cheshire grin was nowhere to be found, replaced with a sickly exhaustion. She didn't speak but her eyes acknowledged Vincent's approach.

Vincent purred, "You're an assassin. I can smell it all over you." He gestured off camera. "You can see what's left of your predecessors."

Mania blinked.

"Oh? You don't care?" Vincent traced a small circle into Mania's shoulder with the razor. His motions were like hers from what I'd seen at the symphony hall. Less exaggerated, but uneven, jerky, wrong.

Mania watched him carve the blade into her shoulder with a distant fascination.

Vincent impressed with her resolve, "Aren't you brave? Well, now I know I'll have a good time with you."

Mania found her grin. Ear to ear.

Vincent stepped back, blocking the camera's view of the girl.

I heard her sing, "I'm bored now."

Alex muted the television. I saw Vincent lift the blade to deliver a more savage slash, but instead suddenly stagger backwards nearly tripping over himself. I understood.

Unmuted. I heard Mania's sing-song voice taunting, "You are sillllly Vincent."

He said nothing but continued to creep backwards, finally moving to no longer obstruct our view.

The chains securing her right arm were already hanging ineffective and her free hand formed a small loop with the chain locking her left and snapped the metal with ease. I had to look away as she freed her left hand, pressing the rail road spike all the way through her arm, freeing herself while leaving the tie still pinned into the wall. Blood flowed copiously from the gaping hole, long red snakes, down her fingers, drizzling the floor. She looked at the wound, as if regretting her actions, and for a moment, I saw pain stain her composed face, but it was replaced a second later with a familiar grin and giggle.

Still, despite her escape, Vincent's vision has returned and my intuition that his movement was better than average was quickly vindicated. He came in swinging and despite Mania dodging the first few attacks with ease, she was caught with an elbow followed by a kick to the face and she was scattered to the floor. Before she could stand, Vincent was on top of her, stamping the heel of his boot onto her wounded arm. Mania didn't cry out. Her eyes narrowed, but she made no move to escape the pin.

"That's pretty neat." He said no more for a while and the two remained frozen for seconds.

When Mania didn't respond, he continued, "You people are obsessed with turning people into little automata with your tricks. I wonder how long it will be till you find a way to just turn us off."

Mania looked up, her face transformed into earnest and understanding, "You're afraid."

Vincent swung his free leg and brought it down hard, crushing the fingers of Mania's trapped hand. He smiled as she winced.

"You act like you feel nothing. It's a lie." He crushed her fingers a second time. "I'm the antidote to lies, girl."

Mania looked totally different from the monster I knew; this girl was not invincible. Seeing the difference, Vincent brought his foot down on her face. The crack of skull into stone was sickening. He repeated until tears peppered Mania's face, all the while never relaxing the pressure on her pinned, wounded arm.

Spitting on her before he spoke, "You're a miserable little lie. I thought you were special."

She tried to sing, but the kicks came in too rapid succession for her to get more than "Belmont" out. Crying out wildly and delusionally as another kick ricocheted her face off the floor, "Dad. Please. Dad."

Despite the poor camera angle on Vincent's face, the sickening smile it wore was nonetheless visible. "Cry for me. I'm going to have so much fun taking you apart."

Mania struggled futilely, finally half spitting, half growling, aware that no father was coming to her rescue, "I really don't like you."

Vincent, clearly enjoying himself, while continuing to kick her, "You know most girls after a little time here don't want to escape. They know they are already ruined. A little clean water won't wash away some things. Do you know what you get when you mix clean with dirty water?"

Mania looked up vacantly. She looked ready to pass out from the pain.

"Dirty water, " Vincent laughed. "What's ruined is ruined."

Mania also chuckled.

"Oh you think that's funny?"

She continued to laugh, a sick convulsive laugh that shook her beneath his leg like a fish flopping about a ship's deck.

Shaking his head, "You're very strange."

Mania didn't stop and the laughter seemed to come from everywhere, not just from the small frame of a dying girl. The room itself was laughing. I turned to Jet hoping for his reaction to be an indication of what was going on, but he wasn't even paying attention.

The next kick was incoming, but foot never met head this time. As the one boot came down, Mania rolled her body towards the trapped limb and smashed her fist into Vincent's support leg. Vincent stumbled backwards, the leg buckling awkwardly, but remained upright. Mania was on her feet more quickly than my eyes could follow.

Vincent was quickly on the offensive again, but Mania, despite her left arm limply hanging uselessly, evaded with only her right and managed to eventually land a brutal strike to Vincent's throat with her fist, sending him tumbling backwards, gasping. Her eyes searched the room frantically in these moments, catching site of whatever held her interest off camera, she darted towards her goal, but Vincent was quickly chasing and with a kick sent her tumbling into the camera stand.

The camera spun and crashed to the floor and sounds of the struggle continued but invisible to us as the camera stared uselessly into empty space.

Alex interrupted, "This goes on for a bit, let me skip ahead."

Mania and Vincent were finally both back in frame. Mania had found her daggers, but Vincent, despite looking wounded and haggard, seemed again to have the upper hand. Mania looked barely able to stand, while Vincent looked confident, and had two significant advantages. A gun. And distance.

Mania and Vincent remained frozen long enough for me to think Alex hadn't pressed play. Looking closer, I saw the miniature movements. Blood snaking down Mania's arm. Vincent's blinks. Neither spoke. Talking was apparently over.

The two knives formed a V in Mania right hand, but Vincent had the gun trained on her, and he was too far, and from the change in expression on his face, I knew it would be all over in a second. I saw his finger caress the trigger, and despite knowing she would not die here, I was sure she would. But as the sound of the shot rang out, Mania was instantly in his face, and the arm that once held the gun, now severed above and below the elbow, fell away in two pieces, the sick thud of flesh on stone masked by the clatter of the gun.

Vincent didn't scream, his other arm already swinging to deliver a crushing blow to her head, but moments later, it lay next to his gun arm, geysers of blood erupting as he slumped to his knees awaiting death.

He spoke, eyes wide, his voice barely more than a garbled wheeze, "You are a monster. I was --"

A third fountain sprung from his neck, silencing him. Mania turned to the camera, her grin in full effect, and drenched in blood, she strolled towards the toppled camera.

29 comments:

steph said...

First and fantastic! I knew I'd be a little bit squeamish going into this one but it was more intense than disgusting this time.

Anonymous said...

MANIA YESS

Anonymous said...

Yay, violence

Anonymous said...

Very sweet. The one part I didn't understand was her calling out for her father. It seemed random and didn't fit the character.

Anonymous said...

Publish, ??, Profit

Anonymous said...

how is that hard to understand?

Anonymous said...

girl talk.

Anonymous said...

Very good part. Hopefully the daddy thing will be explained

Anonymous said...

I think her panicked crying for her father while not being fully explained by what we know so far is in line with the implications of the earlier note we saw.

I just want to say great job on this part, rad. The action in this scene feels fresh and intense. You play with cliches and expectations a lot, and I still find your pacing to be frequently unsettling but you continue to take the characters and plot interesting places.

"the arm that once held the gun, now severed above and below the elbow, fell away in two pieces, the sick thud of flesh on stone masked by the clatter of the gun."

This is near perfection. My only grip is remove the word 'sick.' To increase the velocity of your action, consider stripping out even more adjectives and adverbs than you already do.

radikal said...

Thx for the feedback <3

@long anon post -- Very good points. I think my writing is still full of "dead" adjectives and adverbs that could be clipped.

It isn't that gross. Come on people. =p

Anonymous said...

My speculation is that she was acting the whole time until vincent had the gun. Calling out to daddy is what vincent wanted to hear... and she enjoys toying with people, knowing they have no chance all along.

Anonymous said...

I don't think there's much evidence to suggest that she's toying with him.

My reading is that the Crow character is a counterpoint to Mania in how the two interpret brutality. She has quickly killed all of her victims without seeming to care one way or the other about their deaths. Vincent is obsessed with inflicting pain, hence the abductions, rapes and tortures. While he does manage to succeed in inflicting pain upon Mania, he's eventually forced towards a practical life and death conflict and even resorts to the most practical of literary weapons, the gun, and is easily outmatched.

Rad's a geek about character theory so I'm sure he'll chime in if he doesn't think it will spoil too much.

Anonymous said...

mania vs vincent is interesting but the new plot points are 'pukers' and 'stutter'

it seems like whatever happens next will have to follow up one or the other. vincent is dead. to introduce a character and build him up and then quickly kill is also weird.

Anonymous said...

to above ano.
To me its quite obvious that whatever distorted/corrupted vinnny boi has a fair part of manias current state to feel guilty about aswell... Im pretty sure digging further will show that they have more in common, and therefor he was introduced.

Anonymous said...

"though bone and brick" in 3rd paragraph. well, you see it

i love you :)

Anonymous said...

This was awesome. Don't stop!

Anonymous said...

completely offtopic:
i couldn't figure out where the playlist on the right comes from but if you selected the songs you may also like kruder & dorfmeister, thievery corporation, vienna scientists, makossa & megablast, waxolutionists, dj dsl :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAZPPY6Rp0M

sorry for the offtopic comment ;>

Anonymous said...

Holy shit. I've typically ignored your long, non-WoW topic posts but after reading this post on a whim, I went back and read all of the Noir tagged articles. I simply can't wait for more! Please focus on this, your writing is incredible and this provides much better entertainment than the current state of your PvP articles.

Anonymous said...

@Raddy, I think it's safe to say that if you were to publish, even a collection of short stories, it woulnd't lose money. Besides, from what I hear, finance may not be the safest career choice (something about an economy or something?).

@people whining about adjectives, these are what make his writing style so distinctive. I will admit, I felt that there were one or two that felt entirely superfluous and detracted a bit from the story, but it isn't so much an issue with the density as with the placement. The subject matter provides enough action that he can afford to spend words on imagery instead of focusing solely on moving the plot along.

@nerds confused about Mania calling for her father, the fact that it is so blatantly out of character for her means that it was intentional and it will have some significance in future chapters. Smart money is on Vincent being her father.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I almost forgot to add, my justification for this is:

"The man's voice was soft, gentle, cloyingly sweet...kindness."
Yes, there is the bit about the rasp, but the fact that his voice is kind could easily have significance, although we don't know what he sounds like normally.


"His motions were like hers"

This suggests that, if not her father, he is at least her mentor.


"Dad. Please. Dad."

This doesn't so much sound like a girl crying for her father to come save her as it does a plea of mercy. I think she is addressing Vincent.


"You are a monster. I was --"

We will have to wait and see what he was going to say, but I can conjure up some fitting phrases in my mind.


Also, the fact that he is the only character in the story with two names instantly catapults him to a position of importance.

I also believe that referring to him as Vincent as opposed to Crow in the previous post is important, but not quite correct. Because this is told from Allie's perspective, who knows him only be reputation, it would be more correct to refer to him as Crow.

However, Because this piece is primarily about Mania and not Allie, this could have been an accident. Radikal could have been using his first name to indicate familiarity between Mania and Vincent. Mania herself refers to him as Vincent ("You are sillllly Vincent."), although this could easily be just because she finds formality boring.

I don't think this is the case, however, because of the way she acts. She seems more like the boy in Chapter V than the Mania we know now; not insane, just covering her emotions.


And this is where I cover my ass and say that maybe she's Donovan's sister and not related to Vincent.

Anonymous said...

I hope Raddy has more imagination than george lucas =p

radikal said...

<3

Yeah, you pick up on the first name vs last name thing.

<3 the analysis too ^^

It'll be a bit of a wait on the next part.

Life in finance is actually mostly unchanged for me career wise.

and

Vincent is not Mania's biological father. (Interpret that however you will, but the age difference between the two isn't that significant)

Anonymous said...

What is "biological"?

Anonymous said...

<3 Raddy

My new answer then is Mania and Vincent are either siblings or collegues, and Mr. Cross is Mania's father.

And yeah, I agree with this guy above me.

Anonymous said...

I love Mania! Keep it coming!

lionrtpc- said...

where the fack is bootleg

Anonymous said...

what is this little series called? i haven't read this blog in forever (since the original poker noir - it seems unlikely that this is a direct continuation, since i've managed to deduce that the narrator is now equipped with a vag), so could someone please summarize the first 5 chapters in as short and amusing a way as possible.

Anonymous said...

(caught up now) I thought it was pretty explicitly stated in an earlier chapter (the one where Donovan is introduced) that Donovan and Mania are brother and sister, and that Donovan killed their father in some sort of coup after being sent on a suicide mission to confront Mania.

This most recent entry is probably important as a turning point for Mania. Calling out for her father is a bit human for the Mania we've seen up to this point, but I think that may be because Vincent was quite literally stomping the last traces of humanity out of her as she said it (except her strange motherly nurturing/sympathy at times). The realization that her father isn't going to help her seems like the final switch that sends her brain over the edge.

yiff said...

Rad, I'm a bit unclear on the timing of the stories. It seems Jet is already Bootleg, but do the other characters know?

My understanding of the timeline --

1) Mania and Jet have some history that leads to Jet stealing a recording of her voice and going by the handle Bootleg
2) Mania does stuff
3) Crow shows up and does bad things. Mania kills him and is rewarded some sort of protection.
4) Donovan is sent to capture Mania
5) Donovan fails and turns on his father who he learns is also Mania's father
6) ??
7) Allie is dating Jet or Bootleg
8) Allie runs into Mania and Donovan
9) Mania is still looking for the recording and Donovan is still looking to capture Mania
10) Mania spares Allie and tells her to "find the Card Cheat"
11) Allie learns the history of crow

Is that right? How does Allie not know Jet=Bootleg?