Sunday, May 4, 2008

Safe Sex with Hippies

The pill?

Nope.

Should I use a condom?

No, they aren't natural.

Well, do you use shampoo?

Two fucking birds. One motherfucking stone. Hallelujah.

Question. Does Whole Foods or Trader Joe's sell condoms? I fucking looked everywhere in Whole Foods. Am I to assume that the proper code of conduct with yuppie granola bitches is to simply cum on their face or in their hair?

It's a relevant point only because they're the only grocery stories in the area and who doesn't want to fuck a Whole Foods Milf at some point. No that wasn't a question. Hence the lack of the qm. Statement. You want to fuck one, don't you fucking lie to me, don't you fucking lie, you liar.

I am aware that these places sell hippie Shampoo made of bee's wax and deer feces and whatever -- I'm merely of the opinion that semen is probably better for your hair. I'm also aware that nobody wants to fuck using condoms anymore since the pill is basically required at age 11 now. Kind of like how HGH will be for men in 2-3 years. GET PISSED.

I apologize if you find this a bit graphic, but there are dicks. They are out there. Billions of them. Deal with it. It does put things in perspective though. What sounds more intimidating? One billion people in India or 500 million penises? Penii?

Gander of cocks? School of dicks? Linguists need to finger this out. "A group of dicks was chasing me" doesn't sound right to me at all.

Oh, I said I went to see Ironman the other night. On a 1-10, it was about an eleventy-billion. I didn't get any of the geek references as I've never read the comic, but this dude who looked like Mr. Glass from Unbreakable got them all and gasped and cheered and laughed at each one, so I followed his lead. I'm hip. I'm with it, I'm cool. Of course I know who fucking S.H.I.E.L.D is. Why wouldn't I? Gwyneth was looking a little too old and red haired for my affections, but I thought she was quite charming and I'd be her cougar-playtoy any day. And didn't you want to just hug that fire extinguisher robot? Eat a fucking dick Wall-E you ugly annoying fuck.

Oh. New Hulk still looks terrible, doesn't it? Dark Knight looks baller as fuck. And Shia LeBouf still looks like a resuscitated douche bag. No, I'm not just jealous because he got to mack Megan Fox. That girl has the syphilis. Fucking look at her. Oh, you can't see it. Well, I can. I'm blessed with The Sight. It's like The Gift without Katie Holmes (when she was hot) naked on top of a car. HI THERE KEANU. WOAH. Yeah it's like Woah. My Gift is like WOAH. My ass is like WOAH. GIFT REAL BIG EVERYTHING REAL BIG.

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Some nonsense about Nick Fury!

48 comments:

Robert said...

Wow. I'm not even sure why I read this blog anymore.

Anonymous said...

whole foods is the biggest scam ever

Anonymous said...

LOLGEEK

Oppo said...

When I worked at publix we had took giant cartons of fruits and veggies, took a few out, stuck em in bags labeled "organic" and stocked 'em.

And people bought em.

Bregor said...

Gander of cocks? School of dicks? Linguists need to finger this out. "A group of dicks was chasing me" doesn't sound right to me at all.

Still laughing.

Spoh said...

Whole Foods MILF? ROFL.

Artanias said...

Dicks bro.

huck said...

sheep skin condom,

Anonymous said...

Do you have the UI compilation ready yet? ^^

Raddy said...

I forgot about the whole UI thing lol. Um, let me work on it later on tonight.

dscscott said...

Possibly the best blog I've ever read. Not sure if that says more about the other WoW related blogs I've read or about my personal reading preference.

Like WOAH!

Raddy said...

Oppo - I kind of always figured that happened

Virsath said...

Dick real big, everythang real big.

dantae said...

big tymers are A+

Dahis said...

Do you ever worry that future job recruiters will stumble across this blog and realize you're a psychopath?

Raddy said...

Dahis - Yes, actually. I plan on blaming identify theft and/or never getting a new job.

@ those who claim my blog isn't what it was:

Fair enough. My blog might not shave her legs every other day anymore or wear frilly lingerie to bed, but let's face it, you still love her and she's all you got.

PS Does the idea of sheepskin rubbers REALLY scare anyone else? That's like two degrees of separation at best from bestiality.

Anonymous said...

whole foods is better than trader joe's at least

kale said...

I recall you said "Ironically, if the site ever actually becomes popular, I'd have to stop it"

entrails said...

i haven't checked in in a while, so just now saw this

"Raddy IV Championship Edition or Raddy IV Hyper Turbo? Probably neither."

I vote for

2 Raddy, 2 IV

Anonymous said...

idk why your blog is turning like this but atm its really shitty tbh... it was good before with different stuff, subjects but since the quit/came back thing idk dude this blog getting worst then ming atleast ming got jasi... maybe pick another blogger.

Anonymous said...

I thought it was funny, and thats why I'm here.

Jasi is an awful writer btw, and Ming lost his trolling abilities long ago

Oyi said...

anonymous haters- ky

Oppo said...

rezzing the old penis-in-the-popcorn gag for the organic foods generation.

Protips:

step 1: Go to your local grocery store.

step 2: get behind the produce shelves.

step 3: remove a carrot, almond-squash or flesh-resembling fruit bag.

step 4: insert penis into bag, replace bag (from behind shelf), stand still.

step 5: show the discerning consumer just how fresh the produce is. (copious 'seed' references in section to follow)

Oppo said...

Secret code:

shake penis in following order:
up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, piss at girl passing, piss at girl's mother passing.

This unlocks the bonus R. Kelly original artwork.

Anonymous said...

hate* too much hate!

Raddy said...

I AM NOT POSTING IT BECAUSE I NEED TO EDIT PITBULL YOU MOTHERFRACKER

Anonymous said...

I was wondering how you get it to say those things.

Anonymous said...

Some people get too emotional about blogs:

"damn raddy, im so sad to see that its come to this. i mean, you used to post some good shit but now you keep talking about dicks and i wake up depressed and i cant sleep because i keep thinking about the good days and you know...sometimes life is just rough and it sucks that you're not here for me. MING still gives me reach-arounds and he holds the door open for me when i get in the car. why cant we have nice things?"

Anonymous said...

oh yeah and the blog made me laff out loud irl and my professor gave me "the look"

Anonymous said...

oh yeah and the blog made me laff out loud irl and my professor gave me "the look"

Chuck said...

Hey Dave we want you to write "your" comedy show like this for next season...



On a separate issue... Raddy are you too good to respond to my text messages or what bitch?

Anonymous said...

Hahaha, all the "tell me how to play my mage for me" posts are crying. Go play the game for yourself or does the idea of growing your own dick scare you that much? It's ok when the hair shows up.

I think Radi needs to talk more about Balls. I mean he is Baller but the most annoying thing in the world is when the Whole Waller MILF only gobbles and doesn't tickle.

Anonymous said...

Best post in a while.
Made me laugh. :)

Anonymous said...

If I ever feel the urge to listen to some retarted bullshit, I'll just feed my 4yo sister coffee beans. You owe me the 2 minutes I spent reading this.

ps @ the guy four posts above me: Nobody here needs to be shown how to play a mage - but this is like a monkey with a typewriter. This blog will be forgotten. Godspeed.

Anonymous said...

My impression is that Raddy just writes whatever the fuck he feels like because it's his blog. If he felt an obligation to continue his good work in strategy (which you can still access at any time) he would have joined a blog community or something. I enjoy his ramblings, personally.

ALSO: NEED MOAR UI COMPILATION!

Oppo said...

Jeremiah was a preacher.
Was a good friend of mine.
never disagreed with anything he said
but now that ain't workin' fine.

teki said...

Careful, Raddy, the losers are out in force.

Anonymous said...

The silliness coming from this blog post regarding silliness reached new silly heights on my sillometer.

Anonymous said...

Win

Kolenzo said...

@ Anon haters

WOW BLOGS ARE SERIOUS BUSINESS. HUMOR NOT ALLOWED.

Anonymous said...

http://4fuckr.com/image_33158.htm ?

nAsE said...

RogueDPS says: "HI TO U"

http://static.mmo-champion.com/mmoc/images/news/2008/february/
harnessofcarnalinstinct.jpg

Anonymous said...

http://preview.tinyurl.com/2cl5lw


There ya go Radi, a MMO where you can gamble IRL

Illexiyul said...

btw raddy is it aight to leave this 3s team since you're not the leader? or do you wanna keep the PR?

romulox said...

carried by a mage table

bent over a ui compilation

baddy!

BOOO COMEDY

<3

Yuli said...

Hi

Yuli said...

Hi

Michael said...

1. Sheep condoms, also swimming bladders from fishes are used I think.
2. plural penises also penes

3. Thank you. Was funny.