Villains

But the man had hereditary tendencies of the most diabolical kind

It might be true that Dahis and Azael's latest videos incited a jealous rage inspiring me to not only put down the bottle (Dom 95 of course), but to wash the female ejaculate off my face (yeah right) and stop counting Euros like I'm Jay, and to just get my game on. Like I said, it might be true. It might be so true that I not only did all those things but also -- ALSO -- I cleaned up the errors in my video teaser, encoded it to a normal size, stage6d it up, and put it up on WCM because frankly I need constant fucking attention and I'm just not getting it.

My pinky figures I think are abnormally small. Short I should say. They don't even surpass the top joint of a ring finger. Other than disparaging parallels to penis size, I'm not sure what this means, but it is highly troubling. I've spent my whole life avoiding tea parties and when Austin Powers came out and every other kid did the whole Dr. Evil pinky to the mouth thing, I never did. I couldn't let them see my shame. My tiny little girl fingers.

I was watching Die Hard the other night because it was, well, a weeknight, and aside from trying to check out his pinky fingers and thinking how weird it was that he ever had hair, I finally got the whole dumb anti-hero vs anti-villain thing. He's all swearing and violent and bad boy cowboy and the villain isn't some maniacal terrorist but just a thief putting on a big show. No, I'm not going to get all art critic. I'll leave that for fat people or weird sociopaths over at Gameriot.

The question is simple: How do you become the bad boy cowboy of WoW? And no, all the cowboys are not gone. Fuck off with that shit. It's gay. Real gay. Here's how it can be done IMO:

• Off spec video
• Custom UI that is sweet looking but generally unintelligible (Thank you Dahis)
• Self deprecating text comments mid video that shit on the game, the class, and the whole community
• Music that vacillates from baller to "stuff my ears with dicks"
• Showcasing not only your own skill but making a point to demonstrate the folly of your opponents
• Editing to the point of significantly changing the appearance of the game -- for the better
• Model Changing

Good boy, Hoover, good boy.

Well, I've come running back like that little lapdog of yours named Hoover when he catches that whiff of peanut butter. Here boy, here boy. Good boy, Hoover, that's a good boy.

I have to say that rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated. I didn't quit because of game changes -- I wanted to take a break to focus on RL drama and a new project; the whole blogging thing doesn't really work when you disappear for extended periods of time.

So where did I go? While I'd love to regale you with tales of braving the jungle and exploring the brush at the base of Mt. Saint Helen, or perhaps doing snow off her slopes, truth be told, and fuck I murdered that double entendre, but... actually, I'm going to pull a major Marissa here, but can't we just start over? Let's forget the past. I can't promise that I'll talk about WoW much, but I can promise esoteric pop culture references, tons of ego (most of it fake), and lots of words arranged in ways that might hopefully offend a few people.

Some of you might be thinking, well in fact none of you are, but you fucking could be thinking: Is it really appropriate to be blogging right now with all that's going on in the world? To start writing again right in the middle of the WGA strike that threatens the very pop culture I hold so dear? Shouldn't I be out picketing with the Writers' Guild and all the phonie do-gooders trying to prove they are still "men of the people"? They deserve $ for coke and hookers too.*

Well, in short, fuck no. I'll violate this strike like two catholic schools named Lo and Lita. Shit, I'll youporn them sharing a snowball while I write screenplays and Daily Show scripts in the background. Yeah, I went there. You know what, I kind of liked it. I'd go back. I'd do the architectural boat tour and do some whale sighting. I fucking liked it and I'm going back. That was kind of big, I'm sorry. But when Natalie Portman is slinging "I'll bust in your mouth like I'm Gushers", I really really feel the need to proverbially up the ante. I don't really know if that "proverbially" made any sense, but I think it made me sound a little smarter, so eat a D. Oh, and that snowball thing, I swear I'm not really into that sort of thing...

Actually, I do have one confession. While we were apart, okay this is really hard to say. But while we were apart, I kind of, just for a little while, went to a Hold Steady concert. I know, I know. It's just -- well, you weren't there. I had nowhere else to turn. I came home, typed out long posts, but just couldn't click post. I'd just turn off the lights and put on some Chillout Tent. I had a Seeqpod playlist called "emo rock." Rock fucking bottom.

That's the past now.

So, let's take it back to the beginning:

What's to come:

Silliness. Drama. Opinions. Strats. Rumors. Videos. Romance.



* Get the fuck back to work Mr. Wheddon, PLEASE.