Friday, April 10, 2009

Chapter VII (Part 3)

Experimenting with Jess left us both burnt out. Not like that, God --the song. After every line, I stopped and checked if she was alright, terrified each time anew that something horrible was going to happen. It didn't help that she started dropping to the ground and screaming in fake agony to irk me. We made it through the song twice piece by piece until we both decided we had, perhaps not better, but other things to do.

Currently, I was staring at my monitor, more precisely at an unfinished paper for that International Relations class. Jess had finished hers days ago--her being the more studious of us certainly an outlier.

I didn't hear the door.

The paper focused on the ever diminishing personal freedoms of modern societies. I wasn't particularly obsessed, ideologically, with privacy or anonymity. I had grown up with neither, but I suppose it was different for those who had. In another generation, will it matter? Will 'privacy' be as outdated concept as 'lost'?

"Allie."

The interruption left my thoughts like dust scattered in the wind. I knew this voice. Jet!

I lept out of my seat with enough force to send it tumbling, flinging myself at Jet with enough energy to send us both likewise. Whatever questions or objections I had, they didn't matter now. At least not right now.

He grinned, his face inches from my own, and spoke loudly, with an odd pride, "You have no idea how I've missed you."

I shook my head delicately, "Yeah I do."

We kissed. It had been the longest we'd been apart. If love is felt most noticeably in its absence, then so is longing. I hadn't really missed him until he was back. The energy between us was frantic, hungry. My nervous passion left me breathing in short rasps. In the back of my mind, a voice reminded me I had questions. A strange little war in my mind between love and curiosity.

Love continued to prevail. He pulled back for a second. His soft face, beautiful in the evening's half light, left me paralyzed, my time frozen still, curiosity be damned. From Jess's room, the music swelled noticably, a gift of privacy. Somewhere inside me chuckled and was grateful. I felt his fingers intertwine with my own, and quite literally, next thing I knew, we were pressed together on my mattress, kissing, radiating, laughing.

Laughter was the part of love that came as a surprise to me. Movies got it wrong. I loved his low, exhaled snicker when our teeth clicked or how he'd growl in mock pain when I softly bit his ear. I remember the first time I sneezed while we were kissing and how we both laughed till we cried.

He rolled gently to the side, our arms still locked, his free hand's fingers gently tracing circles on my shoulder. His voice was loud, Jet was always loud, "Okay, you can be mad now."

I grinned, "So easily satisfied?"

He propped himself up to sit with legs crossed, smiling, "No, definitely not." He smirked softly, "But I know the little devil Allie on that shoulder is demanding answers."

"She might be." I really wanted him to lie back down. Well, part of me did. The other part knew my best bet for any information was getting it from Jet solo, before Alex could convince him to keep quiet. Alex was far more intent on keeping me "safe" and clueless. At the moment, Jet was seemingly more concerned with keeping my heart rate elevated, and so, and I know I'm horrible, I let curiosity finally triumph.

I exhaled, disappointed in myself, "So what happened? Where did you go?"

"Belize. And really it was a total waste of time."

"Belize? Like the country?" Yeah, I'm an idiot, so what?

"Yeah. Alex's idea. Apparently, a few people there knew Mania, but we didn't find any."

This wasn't exactly making any sense. Jet had told me that Mania had spent time in South America, but that fact always had seemed tangential, totally irrelevant to her current actions. "Why didn't you say anything about it?"

Jet paused, as if considering evading the question, "I thought you'd want to come."

"You think?! Why is that a bad thing? You don't want me there?" Calm down. Calm down. Calm down.

"There's another one like her down there, " he murmured.

"Like her?"

"Yeah. Strong, fast, a guy though, and older. Maybe crazier."

"And you went, what, to fight this guy? Capture him, what?"

His expression changed, his eyes grew serious, "No. We thought he'd know something about whoever is behind Mania. But we couldn't find him, and honestly, the guy's a killer, and I'm not sure what good he'd be even if we had."

I waited a bit to respond, "That sounds more like Alex's interest than yours."

He smiled finally, "Yeah it is. Well it was. I'm coming around to his way of thinking."

I shoved him softly, "You sound like him." I sighed audibly.

He took my other hand in his. "Alex and I don't agree concerning your involvement."

I wasn't sure where he was going. "How so?"

"He thinks getting involved with our lives is dangerous and that I can't protect you from the dangers to come."

I swallowed hard, "And you?"

He beamed, "I'm not sure I can either, but I think you and danger are like a moth to a flame, love. Trouble finds you."

21 comments:

vi said...

FIRST

TOO MUSHY

steph said...

Nice <3

You did warn us it would be sappy I suppose. =p

Anonymous said...

Two chapters of loveydovey with little to no Mania makes me sad

radikal said...

@steph - I PUT ON MY WIZARD HAT AND ROBE

There's one more part to this chapter FYI. After that, it'll be a longish/longer wait. (As you probably have realized by now)

Somewhat debating skipping ahead in the story a bit as I really really want to write a later chapter. (Although it would be difficult/weird without some setup)

teki said...

ilu raddy

Anonymous said...

1) Publish
2) ??
3) Profit

cali said...

write more. wow less.

kentan said...

"In another generation, will it matter? Will 'privacy' be as outdated concept as 'lost'?"

This is a very interesting point about post-GPS culture. You subtlety bring a bit of 1984 information dread in here too which is nice.

"If love is felt most noticeably in its absence, then so is longing. I hadn't really missed him until he was back. The energy between us was frantic, hungry. My nervous passion left me breathing in short rasps."

This is the best passage in the whole section. As you write this character more, it feels like you incorporate more of yourself. This character is sounding a lot more like your poker noir character here. Describing the energy as "hungry" and the passion as "nervous" is observant writing.

"A strange little war in my mind between love and curiosity."

This doesn't work very well. It sounds too much like your blogging.

"From Jess's room, the music swelled noticably, a gift of privacy. Somewhere inside me chuckled and was grateful."

This almost works, but doesn't quite sound right to me. 'Somewhere inside me' feels right, but the whole thing is off.

"Laughter was the part of love that came as a surprise to me. Movies got it wrong. I loved his low, exhaled snicker when our teeth clicked or how he'd growl in mock pain when I softly bit his ear. I remember the first time I sneezed while we were kissing and how we both laughed till we cried."

Message is fantastic. It's clunky though. Polish.

The dialog between Allie and Jet feels a bit stilted. It has its moments of being quite charming, "you and danger are like a moth to a flame" is gorgeous, but is it in character? Don't sacrifice integrity for flowery language.

I know you're a big fan of criticism. Give me some time and I'll write up some thoughts on the earlier sections.

Anonymous said...

I miss poker noirs

theo said...

Vir has downs.

Anonymous said...

If you're not going to publish, can I do it for you once you've finished the story? Because really, I've read plenty of books less deserving of print than this.

Anonymous said...

You have come a long way in the past year

radikal said...

@kentan - Thx ^^ I agree with pretty much all your points. I also feel the conversation needs improvement or at least needs to be flushed out a bit more. I worry that my characters have a tendency to be a bit too "talky", but I don't think that has been much an issue in this story at all. lol.

anna said...

Cute. You're a softie, rad.

lionrtpc- said...

seriously bro, wat happen to b00tleg

Anonymous said...

Wait, Jet is Bootleg?

Anonymous said...

I think Bootleg is Alex in the future.

hud mo said...

not that i hate it, but i feel like the latest chapter has been an awkward change of pace. like the story lost a lot of it's momentum.

Anonymous said...

hud its called building characters. who the fuk would care if allie died right after introducing her.

Anonymous said...

Your characters are lacking 1 thing;
Sex leg

LordVir said...

YOUR MOTHER HAS DOWNS THEO, SHE KEEPS GOING DOWNS ON ME.

YOUR HERO,

VIR