With a Pocket Full of Dicks

It's impossible to deny that, in the midst of political and financial crisis, I've disappointed you. I try to sit down and blog or work on a story, and all that runs through my mind are jokes about treasury inflation protected securities. (Just the TIPS yo)

I attended the Chicago Obama bash Election night. I didn't vote. Nor did I even consider voting terribly strongly. Voting just seems so peasant status. Enjoying potential riots with the plebs = cool. Voting = not cool. Least that's my logic. That being said, there was a distinct lack of rioting.

I expected Rage Against level moshing and angry denouncing of the white man. (Isn't that what the whole Obama presidency is about?) Instead, it was a bunch of chubby hipsters giddily rubbing up against each other, swaying awkwardly and out of sync to a virtual kumbaya blasting from the sky. At one point, one guy next to me got a little too excited -- he started cheering, giggling and hiccuping out of control until he finally exploded vomit onto the couple in front of him. They failed to notice the violation, only the smell, to which his only response was a perpetual shit eating grin for the next hour.

We didn't break anything. Set nothing on fire. I saw a few cute girls go unraped. Is this how we celebrate a change in leadership now? No deflowering or carnage?

To be honest, I think my problem with politics is that I can't really get behind a candidate with any real emotion or conviction. I don't like being in relationships where I care about someone more than me. You might like Obama, but he doesn't even know you exist. I can't deal. It's like the nerdy somewhat Autistic kid befriending the cutest girl in high school. She matters more to you, than you to her. Eventually, she starts dating because "she doesn't see you that way" and you're left fantasizing about raping and murdering her. (lots of rape in this blog so far...)

Some of you are probably reading along thinking "broseph, supporting Obama? That's not baller status. He takes your moneys."

The truth is, and all you Jews out there should probably close your eyes and scroll down for this, there might potentially be other things besides the moneys.

Sometimes you take one for the team. It's not all about using your god given skills to take from the poor and build giant castles in the sky. Because you have to think about what kind of sky your castle is in. And maybe even what kind of ground is beneath that sky. A big piece of the pie still sucks if the pie isn't fuckably delicious. I'm mixing metaphors here, but there are issues, and sometimes you pay up to have the world more the way you want it.

Take gay marriage. I don't like dudes. I've never been to China because that whole girl-killing thing makes me think the whole country is one big sausage party. But if you want to reduce their impact on your life, wouldn't allowing gay marriage be wise? They'll be homoing in their homes instead of out on the streets gaying it up. I already won't associate with married men, this just lumps the two groups together -- those who don't seek pussy. 

I fail to see how any dude doesn't like abortion. First of all, it involves the killing of a human being. Something we would all like to do at least once. Sure it's a fetus and not a homeless guy, but you're still ENDING someone. Second, why do you want to increase the chance that condom failure or girls lying about the pill ruins your life? Abortion significantly increases your probability of sex earlier in life, and let's face it, the girls were hottest in high school anyways.

Anyway, those are two of the main issues that prevent me from getting behind Miss Alaska, at least in a non-literal sort of way. You'll notice I don't mention anything about what one camp will or won't do for the economy. Partially, I've become disillusioned. I'm not very convinced that anyone beyond some of the smarter minds at the Fed even understand the primitive workings of our economy. (Note that I do have some faith in Uncle Ben and his squad of Awesome, though it is fading pretty fast - hi2u currency swaps)

We obsess about "balancing the budget" and think in terms of monetary multiples, but these are archaic and embarrassing ways of thinking. We're on a fiat currency. These ideas don't even really make much sense. It's more about whether we spend money on the right things than how much we spend. Spending on things that have positive net economic effects...I won't get into a soft currency rant at this particular moment, but think about what the real value of a US dollar is. You're probably checking the mirror about now checking for blonde, but yeah, there isn't any value beyond the fact that the American government requires taxes to be paid in terms of US dollars. That's it. (This becomes somewhat more complicated quickly, hence why it is so poorly understood) There's no "limit" on federal spending -- being in a deficit doesn't mean we might "run out." (Moreover, the fear that China will liquidate our debt is also kind of silly, because their assets are largely intangible reserves held at the fed, by not accepting our treasuries, all they accomplish is arbitrage their reserves already at the fed)

That previous paragraph was pretty poorly written and very confusing. I'm happy to argue/debate in the comments, but fundamentally economic policy has been radically altered by shifting away from the gold standard and then complicated with the increased globalization of assets and reserves. Old ways of thinking don't work. ^^

I'm feeling all political now, so three one offs:

Fuck unions. Fuck pensions. Scrap the idea of 401ks and Roth IRA blah blah blahs.

Fuck US educational system. Privatize them shits.

Stop letting old people into hospitals unless they pay cash. (Nobody over 85 = $$$$ health care savings) Spend money treating children not extending the lives of 95 year olds by three months. 

RALLY AROUND THE FAMILY