OMGSTHEWORLDASPLODE

It's been a while, huh?

I've missed you all, but let's face it, this is a big ol' party full of d. PARTY FULL OF D.

So like the world has been ending, and honestly, I've been like that fat, old Nero dude. Watching Rome burn. Fiddling away. Except I'm neither old nor fat, but instead dead sexy. And I can't fiddle. But I can masturbate ferociously, and I pretty much figured that whole fiddling thing was just a euphemism anyways.

It is pretty crazy though. The Fed's balance sheet has expanded by half a trillion just this week WITHOUT the bailout. To put that in perspective, think of all the girls on Earth that will never have sex with you. Multipy that by 200 and convert women to dollars.

OMGLIKEAMERICASUX.

Don't worry. Europe is shittier.

I'm going to briefly talk about the Euro. See, the Euro is like a club. It's hard to get in, but once you're in, you're fucking money. You work 30 hour weeks and fuck could-be-model-baristas and laugh at overworked, underpaid, underfucked Americans. Like I said, it's hard to get in. You have to prove you're like a good country with a good economy and stuff. Shit's hard. But once you're in, oh man, then it doesn't matter. You just want to be the shittiest member of the EU as possible. As long as you aren't kicked out, the grey goose keeps them bitches loose. omg im gay.

But yeah, the shittiest member syndrome. You've been rocking out. Being shitty.

But then the Irish are like "We gaurantee all your $$ put in Irish banks."

Now normally, when a government blindly gaurantees deposits, the currency goes down. This is because, well if the banks blow up, the country will have to literally print money to pay the debt and thus devalue the currency to all hell.

But the Irish are part of the EU club! Their own currency can't go shitty! Instead the Euro itself just as a whole gets shit on.

Now I don't know how much you know about world history or racial stereotyping, but as shitty as the Irish are as a people, the Greeks don't like to be outshittied. These aren't the sweet 6pack ab 300 Greeks, these are the "boyfuckers" who lost Constantinople to the Turks. When America invented space travel, these Greeks invented space docking. Redefining shitty.

So now the Greeks are like "FUCK THAT. ALL YOUR $$ WITH US ARE GAURANTEED BRO TOO."

And as they are protected by the Euro and have no independent currency, the Euro as a whole again gets shit upon.

Why do they want to gaurantee deposits?

Well, this is long and boring and dumb, but everyone likes money. Banks are all getting fucked because they don't have enough money(oversimplification but fuck you). So Ireland and Greece in a play to save their own banks have stepped out to protect their banks and draw money into their local sector. As this continues, the other countries who are not insuring deposits have a harder time attracting money, and thus become totally fucked. KABLOOM I HAVE NO $$ OMG MY COUNTRY ASPLODE.

So the EU basically has to either say that ALL deposits across all EU nations are insured, which if they do, will fucking level the Euro another 10% probably, or they need to say "Fuck you" to Ireland and Greece and punish them/kick them out of the Euro club. (Which will obviously have political ramifications)

This ignores the fact that the EU big banks are actually bigger than any of the countries in Europe...also a slight problem.

AND

It's pretty hard to convince constituents in Luxemburg or Finland to have to eat ridiculous tax hikes to protect against Spain's retarded economic policies of the past decade. (It's easier in the US to get us to "take one for the team" as we're one country with one sovreign governmen, nahmean?)

I HAD NO POINT IN THIS BUT TO SAY THAT YES AMERICA IS TEABAGGED BUT SO IS EUROPE SO LETS ALL JUST TRY TO GET PUSSY WHILE WE CAN STILL USE OUR DOLLARS OR EUROS TO BUY IT. GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK OUT THERE.

plz give me hot euro girls american girls sux

omg you nerds totally fucking failed me on figuring out who that model is. i hope you have beautiful children, strong, kind, beautiful children. i hope you take them to Sea World and they get fucked by a Sperm Whale with AIDS and then die and you watch and cry and cry and cry like the fucking crying bitches you are for fucking gaying me on finding and professing my love to her. THX.