Bootleg was slightly confused.
Mania had wandered off a safe distance; he wasn't in a great condition to fight, but he could run if needed. What kind of hero runs?
He hollered after her, "WHY DID YOU GIVE ME A STUPID PHONE?"
She spun around and matter-of-factly quipped, "So we can talk."
Bootleg scowled, she is crazy, "We're talking right now."
"No, we can't, because you're wearing stupid earphones." She picked frustratingly at the two knots at the end of her blade without much success. I hate knots.
Bootleg looked at Mania, looked at the headphones that she flung from his head not five minutes ago, looked at the blood drenched shirt she presumably had given him to bandage his wounds, "I'M NOT WEARING HEADPHONES YOU THREW THEM OFF."
Mania shrugged. Bootleg was fun. She figured he'd probably help her. "Okay, I need to go to 620 Kingsbury."
Bootleg didn't wonder why in the slightest, "I don't care."
His refusal didn't particularly concern her, "We'll go there. Get the recording and get out of here before a policeman shoots me."
Bootleg stood up ready to fight again. "What recording?"
She gestured for him to wait and she fumbled about her outfit finally producing a piece of paper. She walked over to him, arm stretched out straight, and handed it to him.
There was someone's handwriting on the paper, definitely not hers, it wasn't crazy, but the paper was so smeared with different shades of blood that is was illegible. "I can't read this."
"Ahh, it's all smeared." She picked up the shirt she had given him and attempted to clean the dried blood off the paper, rather unsuccessfully. Bootleg watched in awe as all she accomplished was smear the paper further by wiping it with the blood soaked shirt. He snatched it back and tried again before she totally ruined it.
original ------ --- ----- -- private collection of ------ Triller. A longtime Chicago resident and ---- fan --- ----- ---- --- --- ----- --- ----- ---- -------- -- ------- -- ---- ---- ----- --- remaining print of The Card Cheat.
Seeing that he had somewhat deciphered the writing, Mania innocently chimed, "So let's see what happens when I sing the other words."
"You don't know the other lyrics, so you came all the way here for the master print?"
Scarcastingly she fired back, "You should know it needs to be a very high quality recording."
It made sense he thought. He had the only working copy of her voice. Others had certainly recorded her, but their sound bites did nothing. Maybe the original would do something for her. Helping Mania learn some dismemberment sympony didn't seem very heroic though.
She shifted her weight impatiently, "So are you going to help or not?"
"No, how about we just fight more."
She shrugged. "Kay."
She dashed at him, but expecting only bare hand blocks from Bootleg was dissapointed to find her forgotten knife plunged into her ribs. Bootleg's eyes darted about. His headphones were too far. The earplugs seemed totally ineffective. She was too loud. The water was close. He jumped.
Singing with a knife in your ribs isn't so easy, "Belmont chair playing violin."
His vision left him as he struck the water. He nonetheless dove straight down aware that she'd probably keep singing until he was forced to surface.
With both knives now recovered and the prospect of ruining her outfit by diving after him, Mania lost interest and merrily trudged up the slope with the knife still stuck in her side.
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27 comments:
First, and I love you.
VIOLIN
Was this all inspired by a terrible symphony practice?
Could they really be that bad?
I really enjoyed these last two scenes, after not caring too much for the A1S1s. The characters and story develop nicely and (mostly) organically, which is a nice change of pace from the noir style.
But the writing is the worst since you started publishing here! Everything was a little clunky. It seemed like you were in such a hurry to develop the story, that you didn't care so much about crafting the sentences.
I agree with qam. The writing in these generally is pretty poor with the exception of the action in part three, which honestly is some of the best I've read in a long time.
I will admit Bootleg is growing on me, but Mania is obviously the muse for this story thus far.
There are other characters! One will be introduced in the second arc.
Basically, the plan is to write these as semi-contained arcs, of four to five entries each. There's one more entry in this introductory arc.
Bootleg still isn't coming off 'right' to me when I read these. Mania I think is generally where I want.
Um, I think the writing should improve as the story progresses. I actually have a very clear visualization of these scenes. I think I could shoot them better than I can write them. ^^
aimoaimonederurushe
noinamiriaennderupurodea
fotomi
kokohaattakanaumidayo
rureirureia
sorawomauhibarihanamida
rureirureia
omaehayasasimidorinoko
aimoaimonederurushe
noinamiriaennderupurodea
fotomi
kokohaattakanaumidayo
sup
niiiice GRAAAAAAAAAAB
it reminds me of an anime
HEY BADIKAL SUP WID DIS DARKER THAN BLACK SONG ITS WAY TO EAS
http://img395.imageshack.us/img395/7167/supsuptypegodkq1.jpg
tldr
raddy, dont rush it. If you can shoot them better than you write them, your either impatient or lazy.
NO EXCUSES! DONT RUIN IT!
The Mania character is perfect. Bootleg needs a little more Bruce Willis circa Die Hard (or Pulp Fiction).
or fif element
Isn't it obvious that he is called Bootleg because he bootlegged her voice hence all the music players and stuff?
wtb part v
This was alright, part 3 definitely for the win though. Confrontation is my favorite thing you've wrote. I hope part V is another Mania part.
<--- mania fan
gimmemore
I REALLY like the Mania character, makes me think of Anime and Marla from Fight Club, don't ask me why, she just does. Bootleg is a bit "meh" feels to me like hes just a weak guy trying as hard as possible to stay alive, maybe im the only one feeling like this?
However though i really like it, im not good at being a critic towards bad writing so this all looks really good to me.
hmmmm, read this while waiting for my teacher in school, now i can't focus on my work, Damn you raddy =\
Someone has been watching/reading some comics/anime lately.
Haha oppo true... but right now Mania is way more likable.
Bootleg held his own against her, but like everyone else is saying, Mania is so much more interesting right now.
These are cool, raddy. I wouldn't mind if this story was the sole focus of RN for a little while.
I find the brutality of the last few pieces, especially parts two and three, repellent, but am intrigued enough by the characters that I will keep reading. I am curious to see how the plot develops in part five.
MORE
@anna, rad's intention with this piece is to illustrate the character of Mania. This is what I took from the piece:
Mania is a creature defined by excess and savagery. She is driven by a primal force present in all of us, but perverted into something simultaneously both more and less than humanity. The contradiction of her childlike innocence and her brutal sadomasochism is, in part, what has driven her to the depths of her insanity. The paradoxical contradictions she embodies keep her, much less anyone else, from understanding who or what she is. She is confused, and in her confusion seeks simplicity. And what could be more simple than her black-and-white views? You are either alive or dead, funny or boring, in agreement with her or wrong. Dead men are far easier to deal with than live, and so she has a predisposition towards murder.
The very fact that I could infer all of this from a relatively small pool of information about her means that Radikal has achieved exactly what he intended with his graphic descriptions. And it occurs to me now that the contradiction of the attraction of the information and detail he provides, and the repulsiveness of the extremely graphic brutality in this piece is a reflection of the character it describes. This is truly brilliant writing, and definately worthy of being published. When he finishes the story I think I'll print out the whole thing and have it bound so I can have my very own copy. Unless, of course, he actually does decide to publish, but I doubt he ever will.
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