Wednesday, September 19, 2007

How WoW Makes YOU Better At Life

Teamwork, Dedication, Responsibility. Nope, nope, nope. You learn about that shit on a cereal box...or at business school. I'm talking about what WoW really teaches you and how it improves your life.

Without further ado, here's what you should learn from WoW and take into the real world.

Life as a Caste System - The Sucks are real and not just in WoW. There are lots of people out there bad at not only WoW, but also life. Their opinions don't matter, and their whole species is so pathetic and clueless you can't help but feel embarrassed for them. WoW teaches you to understand that God made you better than them and reinforces the importance of separating the talented from the mediocre.

Racism is Good for Minorities - I learned by repeatedly ostracizing people of inferior breeding that they actually appreciate the attention in Guild chat. While some of these groups are dangerous in the real world and thus I've been hesitant to shower them with attention, I do think that given time we'll effectively use our WoW practice to weed these shady elements out of our community. And hey, if you can't trust them with epics, should you really trust them with your stereo?

Women Don't Deserve Equal Epics for Equal Participation - It's not their fault they're underqualified for the position, but it is your fault for letting them profit from your tendency to lower your standards just because you want to put things inside them. It's important to be upfront about this issue -- most women won't mind at all if you explain when they join that they can't earn DKP "cause they're a girl."

Never Accept Personal Responsibility - There's no reason to take the fall for something when others can be blamed instead. Pulled aggro? Bad tank. Died? Bad healers. In real life, blame your superiors(nobody), blame your inferiors (everybody), or simply stay quiet -- never admit a mistake even when called out explicitly on it.

Okay, I've lost interest; I guess I'll never be able to write a book about life lessons one can glean from playing WoW.

A few of the BDF stars have transferred over to Tichondrius recently, I'll miss them and wish them nothing but the worst. May your ratings be low, your women be fat and full of the HIV, and your eFame soiled by your embarrassing performance.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

Your posts just keep getting even more amazing. "And hey, if you can't trust them with epics, should you really trust them with your stereo?"

Who xfered btw?

zyz said...

dahis transferred, not sure who else did :x

Oppo said...

The last paragraph was so full of win, i'm reeling.

Wynna said...

So bitter!

ps: how's the video coming along? better have Booty Hole playing in the credits~

Raddy said...

Oh Azael transferred, and a few others are transferring that I can't name yet. =p

Anonymous said...

"your tendency to lower your standards just because you want to put things inside them"

LMAO Great

Raddy said...

oh btw, WotLK forums are live, beta news inc?

I really hope they do better with keys this time. I was pretty lonely the first few weeks in beta. /emo

Anonymous said...

Offensive and not funny. Fail.

anna said...

Short but sweet

Anonymous said...

Ouch.... the last sentence isn't funny, raddy. It's tasteless.

- Ben

Raddy said...

oh come on, it's my update of 'break a leg'

Ralph said...

I'd say no on grenades/engineering in general. Gidgey has all that shit covered.

Shaan said...

The last sentance is just fine. Take things with a bit of salt, will ya?

Amazing writing Raddy.

Anonymous said...

Engi in pvp is boring. Shows more skill to beat someone with innate spells.

Please say that Juvey and Whight are leaving as well!

Anonymous said...

Not using engineering is stupid. It's a fun profession and if people don't take it they they are just morons.

Skillherald is fine
Extra damage from rings is fine
Inscription will be fine.

But use grenades? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. f-ing stupid.

Anonymous said...

In AB, hide just over the little cliff alongside the river, it is hilarious. Best LOS spot in the game. (Not the main access from the water, just the little dip that you can run into/out of, or near the tree)

You can rate how gay people are by counting how many shots you can take on them capping the flag before they figure out what the fuck is hitting them.
1-2=Smart,
3-4=Average
5+=Playing WoW in the Special Olympics, but fucking losing.